after_the_fact raze she didn't know it was the last time i would set foot in that house. i don't think i did either, though i could feel something fundamental shifting. was i helping her tidy up my sister's room? i can't remember. we were upstairs. that's all i know. when i was young enough to believe there was a benevolent bearded man watching over me, i would hear her second husband screaming at her while i soaked in the bathtub until my skin was creased like the dried pulp of a grape. he would slam the door and say he was leaving. for real. for good. it was always a lie. he would be gone for twenty minutes. maybe half an hour. just long enough to make us wonder. she said he was still doing that. i was taking showers by now. so i didn't hear it happen anymore. the_last_time, he called her to say he was sorry. she told him she wished he wouldn't bother coming home. and that's the man she chose to die beside. i don't know why she shared any of that. maybe she could feel me pulling away. maybe she wanted to leave me with one true thing to carry into my life without her. not that she was ever really with me in_the_first_place. 260317 what's it to you? who go blather from