it's_not amy adaptive this: i wanted to live the dream. but i was compelled, nay, forced to. i wasn't smart or strong enough not to. it might have been a bigger deal than me, but then again i might have been just quite sick shaking off a bad experience in the past and being a good sport about it - but then again, it might have been a bigger deal than me. it might have had nothing to do with me. i might have responded egotistically, with narcissism. regardless, it wasn't normal life. you can only judge the normal. the abnormal is ultimately outside the scheme of humanist speaking and thinking. you can't be a categorizer and think about it at the same time. so i don't know. and also, it doesn't matter. that much. so yeah it matters. but i wouldn't know to what degree. no measure. no humanly measure whatsoever. what happened is not going to make a definitive mark. nor should it - that's why we broadly put it into the category of "insanity" even if that category hides whole worlds, whole stories. it helps to be a narcissist in this world. it helps to advance the plot, if you need to do that. sometimes you don't. but it helps if it needs to be shaken off. but i try not to forget that it's a matter of circumstance. just a matter of circumstance. 130405 what's it to you? who go blather from