his_first_kiss_was_from_a_cigarette raze she sat with her back against the wall, head tilted back. he stood beside her, pressing his face into the same wall, as if he could become a part of it if he pressed hard enough. "i didn't want to hurt you," she said. "i just wanted you to suffer." she lit up a cigarette & took a drag. he raked his fingers through his hair & sighed. "aren't you gonna say anything?" she said, turning to look at him. he bit his lower lip almost hard enough to break the skin & said, "i wish your fingers would swell up like sausages & swallow their nails." she laughed the way people do when their stomachs won't allow the sound to escape. a kind of silent spasm. he crouched down, plucked the cigarette from her lips & took a long drag. he put it back in her mouth. then he stood up & walked away. 040510 ... raze she found him in the bedroom, sitting in the middle of the bed with his head in his hands. the hardwood floor tugged at her bare feet. "are you alright?" he looked up at her through messy hair, but didn't say anything. "well...what are you thinking?" she climbed onto the bed & pressed her forehead against his. "my life is like porn with a plot," he said. "they really do make those, you know," she said, smiling. "i know. but the plot's usually kind of a joke, & you'd think the viewer would just want to get to the sex. unless they get a kick out of the acting, if you can call it that." he stretched out on his side, & she did the same so that they were facing one another. "so your life is shitty acting, cheesy music & raunchy sex?" he laughed. "maybe not. i guess my life's more like an art house film that anyone in their right mind would walk out of." "how do i figure into it?" "i haven't figured that one out yet," he said, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. "but i know that cat power's on the soundtrack." she laughed through her nose. 040515 ... red fish do we miss raze? um, duh. yeah! 061212 what's it to you? who go blather from