ashley raze if i were an insect and you were a child, you would have burned me with a magnifying glass. and you would have smiled. but when i think of you, as rare as it is that my thoughts run in your direction, your smile isn't so sadistic. it's almost loving. it's strange, the way we allow memory to twist and colour and rewrite our pain into something kinder. something easier to choke down in the middle of the day. 130511 ... cocoon annoying 130511 ... raze i was drinking some drugs with you, and one way or another we ended up in bed together. it didn't feel like the bed was a place where anything had happened or would happen. it was just a place to end up after drinking southern_comfort laced with something that bittered up the sweet and bit into the brain. and then it was your birthday at night, and you needed toilet paper for your party, and it was my job to get it for you. you wouldn't tell me what you wanted for a gift, and the one place i could think of that might have something you'd like wasn't open, and i didn't know why i was doing anything but i did it anyway. and i thought, well, this is a dream, but it's just about the way it would really go, isn't it? so happy toilet paper birthday a month ago. 140331 ... raze i don't miss you in my life, but i miss you in my dreams. which is a strange thing to feel. at least it was always interesting when you showed up there. 150829 what's it to you? who go blather from