jessica raze in my dream, i was leaving a few days before everyone else. she started to cry when she heard. that surprised me a little. i stood at the front of the room and everyone lined up to take turns saying goodbye. every time i was expecting a handshake i got a hug instead. most of the guys were awkward about that. but they stuck with it long enough to make it all feel halfway significant. her hug was different. she wouldn't let go. she had this look on her face like something was dead or dying or slipping away. maybe it was. maybe i was losing it too. i thought about our history, the parts that were real and the parts that weren't, and convinced myself there was a lump under the carpet of our adolescence. we were never going to talk about it. we were going to cover it with the silence of our splitting apart to level what we knew was there but couldn't bring ourselves to look at. it wasn't really like that at all when i was awake and she was herself. but it felt like it could have been. dreams will do that to you sometimes. 220615 what's it to you? who go blather from