driver's_license raze i only ever got my learner's permit. i was too scared to get behind the wheel. i was sure i'd end up dead or paralyzed my first day on the road. i scrawled the questions and answers on countless sheets of lined paper the night before the written test. i kept retracing my steps. somewhere i still have those desperate study notes. red ink like blood on the page. i don't know why i didn't ask someone to help me turn the words into music. that's always been the easiest way for me to make new memories. i passed. i just didn't do as well as i could have. even when it was new, the picture they took of me made it look like i was disappearing. my hair was thick from just being washed. i couldn't grow the beard i wanted. not yet. nothing connected. my neck was a skinny arm with a face for a fist. at least the license was good enough to get me drunk. i showed it to a bartender once. "that's definitely you," she said. i wished it wasn't. i swallowed what i wanted to say and drank until all my words were gone. 240307 what's it to you? who go blather from