arbour flux and the roller coast finally splits away from the turnstile, grand rapids ahead. but not for another month and a half. i'm not sure if i can wait. hmm. out and about. so much happening.. a pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, and then i grab a red flower off a nearby plant and wander over to where she works.. i've walked by twice a day the last week hoping she'd be there, but somehow tonight i feel enough to snatch that flower out of the breeze.. and now, after, i'm feeling partially unsure of myself, as if once again i've been transported back in time to a previous parallel situation. sitting in a deli, pining of a girl to whom i did not know what to say.. but this time, i'm not pining so much just giddy. giddy and happy. smiling. and self critical. i didn't say anything funny, erudite, clever.. just a lot of trivialities, discussing possibilities and plans, exchanging numbers.. but she seemed somewhere in the same boat as i was, though she was bustling up around closing shop for the night. frazzle haired and frazzle eyed, and i wonder why exactly i wanted to ask her. hell, i wonder what at all this is going to turn out like.. this is the first time i've gone into a relationship with a specific philosophy in mind.. though it's only there to keep me out of what i perceived to be the pitfalls of previous relationships.. and for once, i might be the more mature of the two people involved.. but i still also wonder whether i should be doing this at all. i've made myself damn busy. hmm. i hope i come back to this ranting jibber in a couple of months and laugh at all my doubtings. 040514 ... flux water_bird 140917 ... gja Up the arbour to your door, and more 140918 what's it to you? who go blather from