_remember_____ thorn my mother almost caught me smoking tonight. instead she caught me five minutes after i'd had a cigarette. she and my brother had just got home. apparently she found one of my butts that i left in a soda can yesterday. 'you're not smoking are you?' 'no it was just one that mary gave me.' (total lie) 'should i tell you again how my father died from esophageal cancer from smoking?' 'no that's not the point. look john got a trophy.' 'don't try to change the subject.' 070604 ... thorn 'all i have to say is i thought it was generally acknowledged by now that my coping mechanisms are shit.' and then we fought and she called me a fool and a moron and blah blah fucking blah. and i said if it was such a big fucking deal to her i'd quit. so i gave her my cigarettes and she put them down the garbage disposal or something. because i love them but it's just not worth it if she's gonna bitch at me all the time. i don't care about my lungs but i have to live with her for 2 more years. 070604 ... thorn i don't know i don't know i don't know 070620 ... thorn molly my ex says i'm a conceited bitch. i don't know why, but i disagree. i've had no self esteem forever, and i'm finally starting to like myself now. i'm not gonna let her bother me. 070620 ... thorn molly and i talked. we are fine now. 070711 ... thorn sometimes i wish i understood things more. 070711 ... thorn i need a girlfriend. i am experiencing a lack of cuddling and basic human touching. 070711 what's it to you? who go blather from