trailing tender_square the organizers said it wasn't a race. once we we waved off by a man with a cane, the cyclists sped, jostling for position on the trail. most of the riders eclipsed me by ten to thirty years. i was the only one pedaling a one speed. "my wife has a one speed," one passerby shouted back at me. "she doesn't know how to change gears!" for a quarter of the ride, an older man named mike rode beside me. i rattled off a list of what had brought me back to the city. "you've been through a lot," he surmised, a stranger reminding me of my own resilience. i lose him climbing a hill, my heart a wild fox struggling to break free from rib cage. i swear under spent breath, refusing to step off the pedals and walk with two wheels. "why are there so many bridges?" i cry out loud. i squint into the distance, trying to pluck neon riders out from wildflowers. we pass the college, the outlet mall, and then i'm two major intersections away from home and worried i won't have the energy to make it back the way we came. i didn't know whether i was following the right route; i'd never biked the trans-canada trail before. at trail intersections the words "honesty" and "integrity" flashed from metal flesh. i eased into aloneness on blacktop and taking it at my own scenic speed. the retention ponds stood still like my thoughts. the sky revealed the beginnings of a bruise as i cycled into sunset. downhill slopes left me breathless, wind-whipped, and free. 230916 what's it to you? who go blather from