the_idea_of_yourself_letting_go crOwl i was white-knuckled. you were lifting my fingers one at a time. i was closed-eyed. you were telling me stories of bravery. i was no longer holding on. you were open armed ready to catch me. i was falling. you kept me from hitting the ground. i was laughing. so were you. 050203 ... unhinged sometimes when i am laying in bed, i get the distinct and singular sensation that i am falling, like falling through the sky, and i kick my legs like i am swimming and then i feel the bed holding me and my heart only skips one beat and then i can feel the bed holding me again. it feels like someone has pulled the floor out from under me...falling. myself floating in a bathtub of red water the distinct slip into insanity; i can feel my happiness, my true self, slipping into the safe place in my mind, inside the wall i have created that very few people can climb inside. somedays, even i can't crawl inside. walking into a homewares store and breaking all the glass. screaming, crashing, breaking. letting go falling with no one near to catch me i feel quite let go these days; drifting with no gravity, the blackness of space all around me. idea and feeling holding hands. 050203 what's it to you? who go blather from