stash raze at a family reunion for a family that wasn't really mine, they had a contest for the older kids to see who could guess how many jelly beans were in a small mason jar. it had a snap lid. it had green leaves and red flowers painted on the glass. it had a piece of paper taped to the front that said "thirteen years and older". the winner got to take the jar home. i had a bad headache. i didn't put any thought into it. i guessed there were two hundred and eighty-four jelly beans. i was off by two. no one else was even close. a few years later, when all the jelly beans were gone, the jar became a place to keep my drug stash. it was perfect. the lid kept the smell of pot from spreading. the top drawer of my nightstand kept the jar out of sight. i kept pills in there, and shrooms, and whatever else i had at any given time. opening and closing the jar became something ritualistic, something i loved, until the snap broke and it didn't do such a great job of stopping the smells from circulating anymore, and then the drugs either went bad or lost their appeal. i still have the jar. the inside of it doesn't smell like anything anymore. i always wondered what the nice woman who gave it to me at the family reunion would have thought if she knew what i was going to end up using it for. 210729 what's it to you? who go blather from