something_much_more_than_i_could_ask_for Bizzar i ran my fingers along the seem of your passenger seat. memorized the bumps and grooves. i wondered if the repetition would wear the color down, but even if it did, it wouldn't matter. i rubbed the seat to keep my hand from moving to your leg. to try and override the muscle memory. my body remembers things that aren't real, remembers a you i have never had, remembers a relationship that never existed. like it's loved yours for a hundred lifetimes before this one. and my soul settles when it basks in yours. a feeling that i never even knew existed, such comfort and familiarity in something completely fucking new. i never realized how unsettled i was until i felt your presence - like a weighted blanket - put out all the fires in my mind. like i had finally found the thing i had been searching for my entire life, but never knew was lost. and how was this the plan? for us to be touching, surrounding each other, engulfing each other, yet worlds apart? i can't help but wonder what the fuck i did in a past life to deserve this torture tailored so specifically to me. you're right in front of me. you keep reaching for me. you're letting me help you heal, and through that helping me heal myself. you feel important. maybe it's my fate to repeat this pattern forever. i'll continue to love you, wait for you, until the world stops spinning and time ceases to exist. because you are the_moon that calms my tides. 221130 what's it to you? who go blather from