my_heart_chokes_me unhinged i still haven't decided if you would understand. if i could even find the words to explain to you. i see myself in you; the part i wouldn't wish on any other human being on this planet. the part that is healed by helping others. you have started a new ritual for me. every morning when i ride the bus, i listen to bjork (vespertine) and take those ten minutes to embrace you in my tonglen. transmuting your suffering into loving kindness; i believe that it works. that's all that matters. and when you wait for the bus with me, when i see the bus i want to reach out and hug you. squeezing the life out of new shattered shoulderblades, hunched and weary; those are the only words i could ever say to you that might communicate my heart. but i've seen this danger before. we both anxiously hover near each other, push away, vacillate. how could we ever be together when we are still with someone else in our dreams? 050411 ... unhinged (maybe in that case it was good i never opened my mouth; the girl he ended up with instead of me abused by his drunken mouth and drunken fists. i think i have slowly rung this tendency of falling for broken men out of me. i am tired of always coming last. even if i am the only one to do it, i will put myself first) 151129 what's it to you? who go blather from