first_kiss wasting my hate I'm 18. I've never had a boyfriend. I've never gone on a date. I've never cuddled. I've never been kissed. Until yesterday... A fraction of my life changed. Yesterday I was kissed by a boy. My first thoughts... "EW! YUCK! GROSS! ICK ICK ICK! SLIMY!" oh ::shiver:: It wasn't just a peck, it was I dont know! It was so weird! and completely unexpected! so so weird I just wanted to stop him and ask for my lips back... just weird...just i dont know... And I obviously didn't know what to do. All I know is that I was really not ready for that. I was just shocked and horrified and confused! Why would someone that said they could never love me do something like that?!?! Oh my head hurts... I thought these things were supposed to be special? 030211 ... jinx I wonder what ours will be like... 030211 ... Cicero sitting side by side hacking at the keys focusing (but not really) on the glowing monitors in front of us my heart was stretched but not as far as my restraint until I scooted closer (to read her writing, nothing more) she leaned foward (to inspect her work closer, nothing more) and I too leaned to get a better view placing ourselves in range leaning like in the movies into each other for the kiss slowly but surely, with certainty but it's all past tense now 030212 ... raze it was nothing like i thought it would be. i was terrified and unprepared. not that you can ever really be ready for a thing like that, even when you try to make yourself so. i had no rhythm at all to begin with. but i had a good dance instructor. now every time is like the first time all over again, and in each meeting of mouths my lips relearn what it is to love someone. 260224 ... ancasa.reyn it wasn't momentous several of us had gathered at our twin friends' place above a vfw hall with the plan to pile into a vw bus for a night of christmas carols anna held mistletoe above her head and beckoned me and i obeyed i obliged i think i was sixteen she would have been fifteen i suspect now what i didn't consider then that this was not her first kiss maria her best friend my one-time crush stood by and i wonder still all these years later if it all was just for a laugh 260228 ... ovenbird I yearned so desperately for the first, only to experience an alcohol fueled nightmare of slobber and awkwardness. The boy who kissed me didn’t love me. He didn’t even have time to like me. He had hands that roamed too freely and a tongue that felt like a banana slug exploring my mouth. I thought that if kissing was like that, I never wanted to do it again. But there were other firsts, with other people. Not many, but a few. And some of those were awful too, but one or two were magic, and they seared themselves into my memory so I can return, in a flash, to the feel of soft lips on mine, quiet and gentle and tentative, aching with sweetness and longing and an urgency born of knowing that time is finite and there will never be enough of it to show each other what love means. There have been one or two firsts like this, and it may be that there will never be another. I hope that when I close my eyes for the last time, this is the memory that surfaces: the warmth moving between us, a heart beating beneath my hand, fingers in my hair. 260301 ... ancasa.reyn anna was the first alice was the first that meant something that involved tongues she too had the experience i lacked but that i welcomed with open arms and open mouth we sat on her backdoor steps and in my heart of hearts i felt love and loved for the first time there is something about being literally connected with someone at the lips that changes the world 260302 what's it to you? who go blather from