unwell
raze
twice
in
my
life
i_called_in_sick
.
once
because
i
was
tired
.
once
because
i
was
ready
to
crack
.
i
wasn't
sick
by
any
acceptable
metric
,
but
a
mixture
of
guilt
and
karmic
cruelty
gave
truth
to
the
lie
that
first
time
.
after
i
emptied
my
guts
in
the
bathroom
across
the
hall
from
where
i
slept
and
held
the
toilet's
lever
down
for
three
measures
of
a
made
-up
song
in
waltz
time
to
seduce
it
into
swallowing,
i
ate
what
she'd
made
for
me
.
it
was
some
recipe
she
got
from
a
milk
calendar
.
baked
chicken
and
asparagus
in
a
homemade
cream
sauce
.
as
awful
as
i
felt
,
i
would
have
thrown
up
a
hundred
more
times
for
the
chance
to
taste
it
again
.
but
she
only
made
it
once
.
even
my
tv
was
sick
.
for
weeks
the
reception
was
trash
on
every
channel.
that
was
the
start
of
it
right
there
.
somewhere
in
the
sea
of
white_noise
i
was
able
to
make
out
julie
christie
weeping
and
tom_waits
singing
the
theme
from
"west
side
story
", gurgling
from
the
bottom
of
the
bottle
he
tried
to
drown
in
.
i
didn't
want
to
get
well
.
i
wanted
to
stay
in
that
bed
forever
.
and
i
almost
got
my
wish
.
220910
what's it to you?
who
go
blather
from
