birthing_plan tender_square i was with a group of women and they were interrogating me about something i don’t remember. instead of answering them, i ran away, into a wooden shack with a cobalt neon sign in the window, words i can’t recall now. as it was happening, i was watching myself at a remove from myself until i entered the wooden hut. inside, another woman attended to me. i was late for the lamaze class, but she worked with me one-on-one in the large, darkened room with mats on the floor. the other participants had moved to a different part of the structure, i would join them later. the woman, a doula, instructed me to remove my shirt, my bra, to be topless as i breathed, breasts exposed to air. i could see some of the other women watching me at a distance, fully clothed, and while a part of me felt embarrassed, i decided it best to follow the wisdom of the doula, i felt a special attention from her. when i finished stretching and finding my breath center, i joined the others in smaller, better lit space, as they sat on a floor with a different instructor. the group was shouting out films where women had terrible, traumatic pregnancies, the titles reminded me of horror movies, about fifteen different movies were named and the group was becoming energized by this naming. my anxiety was rising. suddenly, a cat appeared—a celtic shorthair—it would not leave me alone. it climbed into my lap and when i stood to shake it off me because of my allergies, it kept using its claws to attach itself to me. the claws didn’t hurt so much as i anticipated that they would hurt based on past experiences. the other women stopped their discussion and stared as i began flailing about the room and i wondered if the cat was invisible to them because no one would assist me. 220205 what's it to you? who go blather from