banquet tender_square laura said my outfit was a nod to the school's colours, which was an inadvertent choice on my part: a lace shift in royal blue lace and a jacket the same shade stitched with gold-threaded flowers. leave it to me to attend this work event for the first time after no longer being in employ, after three years of being in the department. traffic was congested across the city as an influx of out-of-towners arrived to see their loved ones collect diplomas in two seconds of glory. laura and arrived at the union's banquet room earlier than everyone. we decorated the round tables with mirrors and gilded bird cages that held the battery-operated flickers of fake candles. cerulean and sapphire glass pebbles dappled the reflective circles. later, programs were passed and note cards to write examples of altruism. i sat in my seat, feet hurting, head throbbing before the back-patting ceremony began. former coworkers asked after how i was doing. i spoke of difficulties with finding work, the problem of ontario tenancies, the doubt in my own choices, the sisters whom i have no relationship with. the spread was mediocre and flavourless in an attempt to satiate all dietary restrictions. we learned fitt's law and a theory for why strangers save the lives of other strangers. we clapped for faculty and staff and graduate students who received promotions and awards. i don't know what appropriate banquet banter is. so often i've dressed aspirationally, to look better than i felt within, and tonight was no exception: my life is coming undone. and i report what's happening as though it's happening to someone else. 230428 what's it to you? who go blather from