dumbbell raze the year you died i tried to build muscle with a one-pound weight i hid in my fist like a childhood toy i dug out of the trash. i saw you on my tv screen before i knew who you were. everyone else in the house was asleep. i watched you croon and scream and strum your cream-coloured guitar with the sound turned all the way down. by the time i heard your voice for the first time, you were already gone. half a decade on the other side of your unmaking, i stole a few days from the slowest summer i would ever know to wade through the wreckage of your life. i wanted to find you at the bottom of the mississippi river and kiss your mouth. to breathe you back into being more than a beautiful ghost. you found me first. in my dreams you told stories you didn't live long enough to write. you never sang to me. your face was all the music i needed to hear. the cleft in your chin told me of the landfill above us and the lovers below. i swam to you and felt your father's arms enfold me. his songs spoke to me in places i didn't know needed talking to. don't think that means i never cared for you. 240215 what's it to you? who go blather from