redacted pony I didn't want to believe I'd been raped. I wanted to believe that REDACTED had liked me. I wanted to believe that I'd had some power or say in the situation. I didn't even know the extent of what had happened to me - I only knew the pain and the confusion and the sickness of it - until REDACTED told me the truth nearly a year later. Everything I had suspected, everything I'd fought against in my mind, turned out to be worse than I thought. I didn't have any control of the situation, I wasn't charming anyone nor proving anything, REDACTED was grooming me and taking advantage of me, and REDACTED knew exactly what he was doing - to cover his guilt, he kept playing games the moment he realized that I didn't remember what had happened. I didn't tell him I knew because I was embarrassed, ashamed, and victim blaming myself. Because it was better than admitting that I was a victim at all. 240311 what's it to you? who go blather from