matter_of_fact unhinged i haven't dated someone i cared about, loved, in five years. that fact is becoming increasingly tiresome. 080819 ... unhinged 'hasn't a friend ever bought you dinner before?' yes, but my friends usually don't get all drunk and say things like 'i wish i could pay your rent for you' 'i want to fuck you til you can't move' (sic...) it bugs me when he does things for me. i think because it reminds me of thoughts i've had many times about how my life would be much easier and happier if i could just like him the way he likes me. but i don't and i can't make myself. if i've learned anything in the past five years it would be you should only be with people you are in_love with. not to just let any old person buy you things, put their hands on you. not just a friend, but a person that makes your heart flop over and your stomach do somersaults. he's such a dear friend, but nothing more really. maybe i did him a disservice by being his roommate for almost two years. maybe he spent all that time waiting for me to change my mind while i had a very sporadic parade of other boys come through. i'm_an_asshole 080819 what's it to you? who go blather from