he_rolls_the_dice_again lostgirl perhaps after seven times under this time it'll be over c'mon lucky seven.... 100620 ... lostgirl in the seventh game someone rolled a seven. not so lucky this time. they call it craps for a reason. 100621 ... lostgirl wide-eyed and frightened of the impending abyss of anesthetic medicated oblivion, his expression tries and fails at masking the terror of both known and unknown. forced to breathe in the bubble gum flavored 'magic air' for the seventh time, his gaze fixes on the red beacon of the pulse-ox monitor on his finger and the iv in his hand, as a single tear escapes his eye. when his body finally gives in to the chemicals assaulting him and his hand drops uncontrolled out of mine, i turn and walk away, with part of my heart broken sufficiently enough to allow the blood to drain from my tanned face and render me utterly colorless. 100621 ... lostgirl and so, here comes joe, thirty minutes later, bursting through the OR waiting room doors with his usual flourish, smiling broadly. i am put at ease initially while we receive the details of the case. and then something different starts happening. there is a flicker of doubt in his telling eyes that i have grown to know so well, a different inflection in his tone of voice, a twitch in his normally easy smile. all of it begins to nag at me as his words start turning cartwheels in my over-studied brain. i wonder if am i over-reacting as i think to myself, "there is silence in your words and there is meaning in your silence." 100621 ... lux i am always the Boss. 100621 what's it to you? who go blather from