uti tender_square the pipes feel full but i've wrung them dry, repeatedly. a pressure system has moved into my abdomen, a barometer indicating something is amiss with my body. no burning but a heaviness, like my lower half is a cauldron pot sloshing spells. tonight, i will dilute the blood of berries with seltzer, ingest and hope for the best. 230114 ... ovenbird What hell-sent groundhog_day is this? The day before I last traveled by plane I spontaneously developed a bladder infection, which required me to rush to a pharmacy for antibiotics when I was supposed to be packing and quintuple checking to make sure my passport wasn’t expired. And now, one day before I’m scheduled to travel by plane I woke up at 5 am with–SURPRISE–symptoms of a bladder infection. How? How is this even possible? What cloven-hoofed demon is hanging around with a super_soaker full of e.coli waiting until I’m just about to go on vacation to attack? Off to urgent care where it was confirmed that I have a UTI. Then off to the pharmacy to get antibiotics…AGAIN…where I was told that in addition to curing my infection the drugs I’m taking might trigger a horrifying rash or an anaphylactic reaction. What they will definitely trigger is a panic attack. I swallowed the first pill down with a huge glass of water as instructed, now I’m waiting to see if I’ll drop dead. 260720 ... nr ovenbird kindly suggested i post this satirical piece i wrote years ago when i was suffering from these shitty things relentlessly. it is based on real advice i received at the time from a real doctor. -- Doctor’s Prescription of Positive Thinking Could Drastically Improve Woman’s Quality of Life Sarah, 25, had been suffering nasty symptoms from an infection in her urinary tract that didn’t respond to multiple drug treatments. Fed up with the additional unhelpful suggestions her GP was giving her (drink lots of water, take a special preventative sugar called d-mannose, practice proper hygiene), she decided to go to a walk-in clinic to get a second opinion and maybe some worthwhile advice. She told the clinic doctor, Dr. Smith, about her relentless bladder infection. “It’s probably related to your outlook on life,” he explained. “Psychological well-being really affects our systems. If you make an effort to look on the bright side, you’d most likely be healed.” Immediately, her ears perked up. She prodded him to continue. “You should read this book called “Mind Over Body,” he said. “It really goes into detail about practices you can take to improve your health through positive thinking.” Sarah was thrilled at this brilliant theory, and couldn’t believe no medical professional had ever suggested it to her before. It just made sense that before you could clear bacteria from your bladder, you’d have to clear it from your soul. She immediately went out and bought the book instead of taking more antibiotics. It was full of helpful tips, like “smile more to stress less” and “visualize your goals to make them happen.” She decided to try these tips instead of taking her GP’s advice. Instead of drinking lots of water, she made an effort to smile 10 times more that day. She was overjoyed when she immediately saw results—with every smile, she felt less and less bladder pain! She closed her eyes and concentrated really hard on visualizing herself free of infections once and for all. When she opened them, symptoms were completely gone. She couldn’t believe it. It was like a miracle. She had some other health concerns at the back of her mind, and she immediately switched GPs, excited about what other groundbreaking ideas Dr. Smith could offer. Maybe a liquid concoction for her backache? A yoga pose to cure her seasonal allergies once and for all? The possibilities were endless. -- 260720 ... ovenbird I'll definitely have to try more smiling. And maybe there's a core exercise that cures perimenopause symptoms? (You should write more long form pieces, nr! This one cracked me up on the second read too!) 260720 what's it to you? who go blather from