cought_in_the_rain sedrftzsxdc again 110620 ... sedrftzsxdc and i still cant fucking spell ughh caught 110620 ... sedrftzsxdc oh waait, nooo, i ment it as a play_on_words yeeah, thats what it was that i intended, yeaaaaa 110620 ... also caught mint. 110620 ... thy it wasnt so much a smile_and_nod, more like a painful grimace and a look away. where we ('we' for the sake of explaining this) were at, as of 6 months ago, was something you and i had spoke of years ago. and it had been that way for awhile. talking of possible outcomes, we came across this one, and we both decided it would be a sad one. the saddest one. i can still hear you saying 'that makes me so sad to just think about it' or something like that. i agreed, and it tore at my heart in such a way, and i imagine as it did yours, that we both agreed it would never happen. and we dropped it. ... and because neither one of us wanted to belive it was possible, we never planned for it, we never made a contingency plan. and now, then, time and time again, in your eyes i have seen something i dont know what it is all i know was that it looked painful, like it hurt, or it made you angry, and it made me feel terrible, because even by just living my life, and working, and changing, and growing, my mere existance was hurting you, angering you, and bringing you down. i didnt want it to be that way, i truely believe it doesnt have to be that way. and i always wanted to just say hey! this is what_i_want_you_to_know but you know, good. upbeat, not crappy like how it came out i mean, i tried to make myself invisible, but i realized i couldnt. you could still see me. im just doing_my ... you know, something to make it better, for you, for me. i just wanted to make it right. i just wanted to make it better. im sorry. 110824 . 110925 what's it to you? who go blather from