world_history endless desire and now im crushed. there are things that don't happen. things that shouldn't happen. things that never happen. im finally back in school and getting all caught up. and i look down at that fucking grade sheat and it screams at me, 'B+'. oh god i feel numb. damnit things shouldn't be able to affect me this much. i've gotten B's before. it's no big deal. you worked hard. you had to learn it all on your own at home and you did the best you could. NO DAMNIT NO YOU DIDN'T. YOU SHOULD HAVE WORKED HARDER YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING BITCH. no no no i did the best i could. it's fine. YOU DON'T GET A B IN HISTORY. but but. YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOOD AT THAT. I SIT HERE AND WATCH YOU GET A B IN MATH AND I LET IT SLIDE, BUT OTHER FUCKING CLASSES? DO YOU WANT TO BE GOOD AT ANYTHING? no no i dont care what other people thing. i swear i don't. BUT YOU CARE WHAT I THINK. YOU DO. YOU CARE THAT YOUR B WILL BE STARING AT YOU EVERYWHERE AND YOU CAN GO AND FILL OUT YOUR COLLEGE TRANSCRIPTS AND WRITE THAT B DOWN AND THEY CAN ALL SEE HOW HORRIBLE YOU ARE AT EVERYTHING. no no i can't be perfect. i tried. oh but. just one more better grade. if i had only worked a little bit harder, a little bit longer...but i didn't. i didn't at all. and now i dont feel a thing. only utter disappointment because i have found a new low to sink to. damnit. no one understands. i couldn't put this anywhere else. they'd tell me a B is fine and that im stupid and that they got a D in this or C in this. and i know im not miss. student and i dont want to be. but my whole life, ive wanted A's because i know if i work hard enough, i can get them. and it makes me feel accomplished and makes me feel like im worth something. and no one understands how much that means to me. they just think im being some snobby smart kid. im not even smart. i just work my ass off in fucking honors classes. that's what kills me, it will be worth an A but it's not. it's not at all. i got a B. 040213 what's it to you? who go blather from