we're_barely_just_friends mahayana now that others are around. We had tentative plans to get together because you wanted to see me sooner. I awaited in anticipation of your call that was supposed to arrive a "couple of days" later. nothing. You thought of calling me but forgot. You called 5 or 6 days later to say that we can't meet because you made dates with newly reconnected friends. Oh I see. Contemplate this last concussion to our friendship. For this is not the first bruise to have assailed us. Why do you waste my time for merely a shrouded acquaintance? You know that is not how I relate. That is why we sundered years ago because with me - it is all or nothing. Why did you contact me? I hate it that I even care enough to be hurt like this. I responded to you because I knew that you needed me. I should've known better than to sacrifice myself. This whole situation drives me to say goodbye to other absent-esq friends. Who needs people like these when I can find more appropriate solace in being alone? I tell myself - don't act too hastily - don't do something that you'll only regret. But the bereaved fact is that no matter what I do - I'm already alone in these commotions. Knowing what I have to do disintegrates. I'm dying inside keeping you around. Aloofness is just a matter of temporary or permanent status. I wish I could be a surface level friend that didn't care as intimately as I do. I hunger to dissociate to such abysmal levels. This is killing me inside and all I can think of is how deplorable all of this makes me feel for even having been devoted in the first place. But what it really comes down to is this: I'm terrified you'll eventually abandon me again. :history repeats: So I'll make haste and dissolve my lingering essence. :history repeats: and years will go by without a thought of me. :as history repeats: 090210 ... or not_even_just_friends 090210 what's it to you? who go blather from