User24 I creep into the bedroom, Linds is fast asleep, mumbling something about brown bread in her dreams (see works in a sandwich shop..) I give her a kiss and a hug, stroke her back for while, and consider just coming to bed.

deciding not to, I give her a final squeeze, grab my stash and make my way back to the study to make a joint, pausing only to write this.

I pull a red rizla from the pack, and lay it on the lid of the tin, the sprinkle some of the greenery into the paper, it's very dry, but it was free, so no complaints.

bugger.. no lighter. ah! never mind, there's one in my coat.

ok... no there's not.. i had one earlier.. where's it gone? maybe the house elves have taken it... nope.. on the sofa. ok. (finally)

I've got so little left that I'm having to take all the little bits I discarded in the tin, lay them on 10p coin and burn them, as they're too small to hold - you don't really get resin in the states, do you? good for you, greenery is much nicer (I don't know what the street names for it are, so weed, greenery and block or resin are the only words I use.. oh and 'stuff' or 'materials' lol.. so cliché..)

ok, put as much in as i want, now to roll it - the tricky part.. never really have mastered the 'art of rolling'

having said that, this one's not too badly done. OK, now let's smoke it. (i may scrap this blathe, it'll probably be very similar to my first one. but hey. who cares.)

it's 02.14 AM.

it tastes nicer than cigarettes, nicer than normal rollups, though a little harsher cuz there's no filter.

word says you email.

why do houses always creak? I guess it's things expanding/contracting with heat. or we have people living in the loft. one of the two.

see, there's that stomach ache again, I've found orange juice helps. shame I only have sprite. which incurrs a lot of belching. ahem.. this not my_sprite_experience.

weed is quite nice, I've gone off it lately.. too many worries sidetracking me, I think. 'know thyself' is a good maxim. I'm tired. in general, as well as physically. tired of

tired of wanting to go to university so desperately, and tired of worrying I'll not get in. and tired of being in this town not going anywhere with my life. bleh. grr. :)

smile. and keep the faith.

so, what's new, H? well, I'm looking forward to seeing Karl (my bro) on christmas day. lot of catching up to do. like, 21 years worth. shit it's been a long time. I've only just woken up. talk about an incubaion period, still, now I'm stable I can start moving. (if I get to uni.. bugger.. a worry on so many levels.) lalala. ok, yeah, also getting interested in artwork (creating) and a whole bunch of website ideas eg: a site to share cool links, keep a log of 'things to do', blog, and have a homepage.

[sidetrack: just renamed this blathe from my_drug_experience to user24s_sporadic_blog as I was drifting waaaay off topic]

that was kinda the idea of the original project2501, a nice easy way for you to do anything you want, like diaryland, or blogspot or whatever, but encompassing anything you can imagine.. anyway, i see this new idea as an improvement, as it will direct and alert users to the possibilities, and restrict the format from project2501's anything goes approach, to a more structured design, thus giving a strong 'corporate' feel, and letting browsers feel comfortable with the navigation and links.

yeah. that sounded good, didn't it?

and it'll give me a nice complex project to get my teeth into. show_me was way too easy. as was netstory (which isn't online anywhere) ha did that one in my lunchbreak (seriously!)

in fact, I was thinking of buying a domain like or something similar, just to house all these projects:

I have a PHP/MySQL eliza program (a program that pretends it's a human) in development, that learns from previous conversations, and if it doesn't know about something, it search on google before asking the user. (that'll be soo cool when it's done.)

I have that site discussed above

numerous enhancements to be made to netstory, if even bother, while there's plenty of stuff I could do (real time chat with other storytellers, categorised stories, invitation only stories for IRL parties, hell you could even make an electronic held held game of it.) if you're wondering, you know that party game where you write four or five lines of a story, then fold the paper so you can only read the last line or two, and hand it to someone else, then you read then whole story once everyone's added something (phew!) well, I did that as a website)

goddamn that a long description of a fairly boring project.

ok.. there's also.

please wait,

an online community painting game (simply a home page where you enter, see a picture,
add a few squigly lines, or a little sketch, and submit, then the next user enters, and does the same, etc, etc.

show_me could have a few improvements like voting in several categories, several main locations to which pictures are uploaded in case one 'clickpoint' is overloaded.

and so forth, I'm sure I've thought of about 3 'great ideas' today, but just can't remember them. lol. one day, I'll make a million on one of these ideas. I swear. seriously. I just need an employer who'll let me. and for that I need to go to university. Dammit. I was doing so well at blocking that thought, but my natural thought patterns led inexoably towards that point.

start again.

Drum and bass, very cool music because bass is the one sound that a: always defines the rhythm of a song, and b: is not only heard but also -felt-

Heavy Metal is interesting as (subjectively) it inspires emotion very effeciently, but I'm finding less need to express my anger that way. anger's not the right word.. frustration, that's better. I could go back and correct but I'm too lazy.

once again, the usual worries and stresses return to haunt me. I think I should go to bed, it's five to three in the morning. (is that just an english expression, or do american express the time in that way too? five minutes to three? two fifty five? what do YOU say?, see there's another website idea, share your favorites - cool phrases you say, clothing preferences, get inspiration from others and share your trends, your music and your life! lot of subscription potential there and advertising, somebody buy my ideas! give me money to think! I'm great, cuz not only can I have good business level ideas, but I can express them effeciently, and I understand the confines of a web environment, so know "what's possible". Plus for just $50,000 more, I'll code it for you.

D'ya think that'll do as my CV? lol..

ok, on that great self help note, I'll see you tomorrow

(as if anyone'll read all this!

note: it get's quite interesting in the middle, I think, have a peek around that area)

(sorry about 'filling the blathespace')

Death of a Rose you have many great ideas u24.

i sincerely hope your brain is always racing and plotting the next 'big thing'.

oh and the any university would be lucky to have you m'man.

interesting mind blog.

think i'll steal me some ideas (yeah i can program....frontpage is about all i can manage at the moment)

u24 steal at will; my ideas are postcardware (but if you make more than, say, $50,000, then I want 50% and a job) :)

so... you actually read all that? wow! :)
u24 oh yeah! I'm s'posed to be in bed!

whitechocolatewalrus nice sporadicism. i agree, you do have good ideas. so, you play heavy metal? 031220
u24 *and thanks for the compliments, doar, whitechocolatewalrus*

I listen to all types of music, but my faves are 'techno' and 'metal' (both genres encompassing an essay's worth of sub genres, hence the inverted commas)

Doar not a prob, brain stew man.

liked the idea of the community picture deal.
u24 [website] has been redesigned. 031221
Death of a Rose yo'! user! got! a! request! for! you!

can! you! preside! over! the! nuptial! of! Doar! and! PVC!?

Thanks! in! advance!

pvc yeah! i! second! the! motion! 031222
u24 reminding myself to do this again sometime

btw, pvc and doar, thump me an email if you ask me something and I don't respond, it's - purely because I know I'm too lazy to do anything without persistant thumping. even though I did make a new years resolution in october to be less lazy, it didn't really come to fruitition, and now, it being 5AM, I'm finally going to bed.

u24 something makes me want to yell fuck a lot. god, life is crap. objectively, at least. I'm feeling myself getting more and more detached from this 'reality', but, perhaps worryingly, I don't seem to mind.. after all, what is sold to us as reality (bills, work, city/town life) isn't -actually- real..
Our evolution has brought us to a point where the true nature of Earth is hidden deep under a maze of urbanisation.

Everyone is an individual, which is fine in terms of free expression, but within the confines of a governed reality (globalised capitalism and pseudo-democracy), which is cutting us off from interaction with other people, with less interaction being required to survive, we find that we no longer need the group.

In losing the group, we have lost independance - paradoxical though that may seem, it is evident in many ways; we are at the mercy of large powerful groups, whom we cannot appeal to.

If we were governed by smaller groups, and if we ourselves were socially sectioned into groups of equal power to the governing groups, we could resist unwanted change, and instigate wanted change, also a semi self sufficiency could come more naturally.

Of course, this division and distribution of power would require a breakdown of government unlikely to happen as the world becomes more globally orientated. So, given the current political arrangement, a social group wouldn't solve the problem to any great degree, unless it became more powerful than the dictators, and even if such power were acheived, life would be reduced to a power struggle.

So, without either competing with or destroying organised government, life isn't going to get much simpler.. what we need is a shift in global social attitudes. Of course, this shift isn't likely to occur - government and industry won't allow it. But, in order to forcibly change people's attitudes, the government, or another powerful group, would need to be infiltrated/overtaken. However, once such power is seized, it may be difficult to relinquish control - "power corrupts".

So there's really no easy global solution.

Well.. that was a fair ramble.


PS: I don't expect that to make much sense, I lost interest half way through editing, so probably removed all meaning by accident :)
marked . 040302
u24 (well, I saw misstree's_rambling_roof and thought I'd jump on the bandwagon)

spent the last two nights experimenting with potions, not good for the concentration. headache and blearyness muchly today. and lots of STUPID work to do :( that I shouldn't have to do because I've already done it, but the client changed their mind. Bastards! anyway.

lot's of stuff to sort out in the next few weeks. Hellen's coming over to pick up Thor (our rat) on sunday, I've GOT to phone Karl and Clare at some point. In fact I'm supposed to be meeting Karl in Brighton in a few weeks. And I've got to work out how/when/where I'm going to meet jane. And I've got to sort out our finances, because I've only been paid half my wages. And we're moving out of the flat at the end of March so we've got to pack everything up (and sell/burn all the crap we don't want (i.e. most of it))

I think that's everything.

Oh! no! going on holiday for two weeks, but that's not till May.

And as of the beginning of April, we're starting our rigid saving regime, which will hopefully allow us to survive the next few years.

-that's- everything.

Linds bought me a nice block of dope yesterday, as a present! which was cool. I've also got a little bit of greenery, which, if I'm careful, I should be able to take to uni. (hmm.. how long will that plan last, I wonder..)

Tired. and just feeling icky, need a bath. need to wash my hair. need to sort out our money so I can see if I can afford to do everything I'm planning to do. but I can't do that until Greg pays me, which he probably won't today, but may do by the end of next week. hopefully..

Well, that was a nice little ramble that will have completely bored anyone reading it.

u24 has smoked every night since then. 040311
u24 but no longer! once a week, not once a day. much better for the health. 040402
u24 the end of progress.

when everything can be synthesised?
u24 much less detached from reality now, I think because I'm smoking less weedage. (well, I'm aiming for once a week, then I should be able to cut down to once a month, than I'll just do it once in a while. Then I can cut down on smoking rollups, then I'll be healthy!) The countdown to uni is progressing at a steady, but excruciatingly slow rate of one day closer every day. 79 days to go until I quit work. I may have said elsewhere, but I finally told Greg I'm leaving, he was fine about it, amzanigly.

Saw Karl a while ago, t'was fun. I should phone him again. I still need to phone Clare... ..

Why isn't there a capital '.'? for really important full stops.

Supposed to be doing Cat's website before thursday. I don't know what to do with it, though. I'm not a designer. Still, anything's better than nothing.

Seeing Adam 2nite, I really wish we'd do something different. I know exactly what's going to happen, we've done it so many times. Adam will moan that I didn't bring weed, we'll sit in the garden, drink some bottles of tacky cheap wine, chat about nothing at all, hopefully Linds and Adam won't start talking about school ("Do you remember mr blah? Oh god, I hated him", "he hated you", "yeah, he did", "Howard, have I told you about Mr blah?, oh it was so funny, I was in science....") and so on.) then we'll move to adam's bedroom, drink more wine, moan about how there's not much left, Adam will insist on topping up my glass, not understanding that neither I nor Linds need to drink in order to have fun. Then we'll listen to music, maybe reminisce about bliss and k2 (nightclubs) and the conversation will inevitably turn to the fact that there's nowhere to go anymore, "I wish bliss was still open" yada yada. maybe watch an old disney video or something, then we'll go home. eugh. is all we've got our memories?

I miss having proper conversations with Linds in the pub we used to frequent. I've been empty for ages.

88 days until we leave this place. I am going to count each day. I've just written out all the days until I leave. I'm going to cross each day off. It should occupy my mind a little.

Speaking of occupying my mind, I should do some work.
u24 17 days to go. I stopped counting. 040907
u24 also feeling better in general than I was above. (probably due to less worries occuring). 040907
u24 way hey. I'm here. blather is not blocked by their firewall! yay!

blather looks very different here.

university is good. lampeter is small. i still don't have any money. talk later.
u24 back from uni at freetimers now.

just written blight and lib_blather and feeling rather good about them both.

I think blight (what a great name) will not only make it easy for people to understand how lib_blather works, but hopefully will also mean people will make their own funky additions (google search, dictionary lookup, inbuilt spellcheck...)

u24 what i'm thinking about right now:
u24 typing on laptop in dark, beware of gratutituos typos. (if my pickiness allows them through)

well I've now got t'internet in the room, so I'll probably be fequentinhg blather more over the next few weeks. Why doesn't my laptop have luminous keys.

the student union is so fucking loud. the bass is vibrating our window frame, and when they close in about an hour, there'll be drunk students yelling and screamin for about half an hour... grrr. do these people never sleep?


I've already hacked into their print server, I need to find something more concrete before I tell them about it, but fyi it took me 2 days. i'm sorely tempted to not tell them and get free printing for a year, but i guess im just too nice. heh.

I'll be thinking more seriously about a secure proxy server to run off puremango, so I can surf when and what I like without them knowing. I know they watch what I do. They do it with everyone. the spies are everywhere. i don't know if they can trace this connection to my username. I;m sure they can, perhaps not as easily.

ah well, it's not like the government don't spy on us, why shouldn't university staff join the fun.

it's hypocritical; if I installed a packet sniffer on one of their computers, they'd tell me off! wtf? lol.
u24 PS: IT ppl reading this: don't use Print Manager Pro with the euit.asp file. it allows SQL injection. (unsure of version) 051005
u24 a glowing screen on a silent background, there is no light, no sound but the hum of the cooling fan. it's midnight and i'm typing.

ok, well it's neither midnight nor silent, but "it's quarter past 11 and people are chatting in the kitchen" doesn't quite have the same ring.

I need some glow in the dark paint.

i like travelling. riding in a car, watching nothing go by. i think i'll make something tonight
u24 oh yah, I told the IT guys about their print server, they said if I can hack it to give myself £50, I can keep it. sweet. 051006
u24 I've just spent over 1.5 hours reading dilbert archives.

I thnk this is a landmark in both geeky and lazy terms.
u24 i have seven days till my first philosophy essay is due in. I have not been set an essay yet. I'e had 2 wittgenstein lectures, 1 kant and about 10 minutes of phil of lang. how am I supposed to write a 2,500 word essay on any of those? wtf? 051013
u24 i am the only person registered for the VB module. 051013
u24 I'm trying to give up smoking. I would normally have smoked around 15 cigarettes in the last 3 days. I have smoked 4. not bad. 051013
u24 thinking of writing a dream diary thing. yeah, let's do that. expect url below when I've finished.

damn. forgot that I can't FTP files because server is somehow broken and support people are convinced it's my password (it's not)

Well, I'll make it and put it online later then.
phil rural 100209
phil I saved that one, it is one of my favorite. And ya, we say five to five and four to four but normally just multiples of 5, quarter actually means 15 and 25, etc. 100209
phil minutes and cents but no minute men and nonsense anyways, 20 til 2 o'clock. 16 hundred, 4 o'clock. admiral. ETA before 16 hundred hours, sounds like a long time.
so is it 16:75 at a quarter till 5? No. Confusing, km, miles, cups, pints, dx/dy, f'(x), let alone the names of peoples and all the languages. What the world needs now is a good translator and some airline tickets. Who is going to write a song about that, then who is going to right a ... ah never-mind.
User24, quite impressive. You are on my nice list.
u24 Revisiting.

I actually created the community drawing app. It's broken at the moment but we'll get a video of it online in a few months. It was fun.

I was much faster back then. In the way that I thought. Now I pause.

I can recognise how good I was. I'm not sure I'm so good now. Maybe the world has just caught up. *shrug*. Maybe I have slowed down. Things that seem obvious now were innovative once. Do I still have innovation in me? Yeah of course I do. I'm just more selective about what I pursue. There was a golden age of me where I chased every single idea, enjoying the chase as much as the thrill of the catch.
what's it to you?
who go