nonlucid run away
run far, far, away
.nom girl with some problems,
girl with some solutions

i am not my problems,
i am not my solutions

but i am
u24 the sum of my parts? 050126
pSyche you don't want to know the real me
and anyways
I'm too scared to let you see me
for who I am
blown cherry I've grown by about 5 or 6 years in the past few weeks, and while I don't know how long I will be this person, or at least a reconizable and growing approximation, I really like the direction this is going. The pastures of my late twenties are growing greener by the moment.

Everything is starting to go right. I've got my self esteem and my sense of self worth back. Guys are falling at my feet and this time I don't have to sleep with them all to get a kick out of it, I feel so in control. My body is mine to give as I choose, and this time I'll wait til I know somebody is worth it. Sure fucking about is fun, but I've grown out of it at last, I'm not craving it cause it's not supplying what I'm looking for anymore. Fuckbuddies and casual encounters are in abundance, but lovers are far and few between. Not to mention it solves my whole std issue. And Zee was right, telling people your celibate does make the boys come running, and it's not as though there isn't still a little fun to be had, it's only MY pants that need to stay on, and let's not forget tops are easy to remove ;) And man this perving thing is getting to be great again, so far I have visual crushes on at least two guys I see on a semi-regular basis. Getting up the nerve to talk to them is proving to be such a fun game!

But enough about that. I've started to make friends really easily, something I've never been particularly good at, mostly because I've been so eager to dislike people, but I have to admit that is fading somewhat. And when I sit around and look at my oldest friends, like I did tonight, I just sit back and think Fuck this is Great! We've all become such awesome people, laid back and accepting and so appreciative of eachother. I truly love them so much.

And maybe I can be a better person still. I owe somebody a little devotion, and so help me I'm going to make sure he doesn't drink himself into a grave by the time he's 35. I should have intervened earlier, but I guess that person couldn't. This person can.

I used to think the late twenties were the short road to 30, but now I see that this is where the party really starts to build up steam. We're over the confusion and the muckiness of our early youth. We know how to have fun without fucking ourselves up too badly, we're confident with ourselves and with eachother, and we've got a bit of money these days too.

This is the shit man. This is definitely the shit. And I'm not even high (anymore).
mous the one who wants to know who you are. among other things. 050127
what's it to you?
who go