there_is_nothing_here zero . 010723 ... florescent light nothing but me. I like being alone. 010723 ... kx21 What is your definition of " I " in this context? 010723 ... florescent light first person 010724 ... florescent light being along staring into the depthful body- blackness of the ocean that goes on forever yet is no bigger than my thumb that moves in waves so grandiose moving in waves so tiny moving in steady even time that one can decode perfectly into song into rhyme into philosophy into darkness into light into waking into science into life into contempt into irony into brilliance into simplicity into death into beauty into universes/cosmos into love into religions into magic into myself 010724 ... florescent light words and wisedome and time with vintaged rose petals make up my mind 010724 ... florescent light feeling too much... ...everything hurts 010725 ... kx21 Tell me how many strings are twisted and turned inside, around and surround you... And I will tell you how wonder you are... 010725 ... Dafremen Guess there is now! Time for a poem about nothing: Lobbing Stones by Roger Dafremen Why is it that we look to the world for answers? Lift sleepy eyelids just long enough to ask the question Truth be told, the answer is just trivial enough to be ignored Like a child lobbing stones at the silky surface of a pool Perhaps it's just enough to know that we have the power The power to lob the questions and start a reaction Outside of our own sphere of influence and by so doing Expand that sphere ever so slightly, so very slightly. Half unspoken truths, half oft-spoken lies The echoed answer soon belies The futility of the asking for the sake of knowing, Of learning for the sake of growing colder and more cynical Every answer tears us away from the reality of fantasy From the bliss of ignorance, from immunity to all preconception And leaves so many more questions unanswered than were answered Ask again? Inevitably you will, I won't. I'm done..I've had it. Content in the lack of knowledge gained thus far, I succumb To the unknowable nature of it all and by so doing come closer Closer to knowing what I knew all along, before I started asking Before I started digging, before I started wondering and lobbing Lobbing stones like a child at that glassy pool, marring it's surface With my own imperfection, my own desire, my own need to know I had it all, knew it all but gave it up, like you I gave it all away To lift sleepy eyelids just long enough to ask the question: Why is it that we look to the world for answers? 010726 ... florescent light lack love need love hate love 010726 ... florescent light i see him but he won't see me that's always the way it is.... 010727 ... Dafremen Yer a sucker for the wrong kind of guy...thas all. 010727 ... florescent light it's cause I can't open up to him 010727 ... florescent light I am regressing horribly it's like someone has struck a pinhole in my heart, and its bounce and vigor are slowly drenching out, until life itself becomes too efortfull. crying in the shower in the morning crying in bed at night I know the drill I am much much stronger than this but at the moment it seems pointless to fight all I can hear is the screaming until I'm all by myself 010807 ... florescent light Goodbye to you my trusted friend We've known each other since we were nine or ten Together we climbed hills and trees Learned of love and A B C's Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees. Goodbye my friend it's hard to die When all the birds are singing in the sky Now that the spring is in the air Pretty girls are everywhere Think of me and I'll be there We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the hills that we climbed were just seasons Out of time... Goodbye Papa please pray for me I was the black sheep of the family You tried to teach me right from wrong Too much wine and too much song Wonder how I got along. Goodbye Papa its hard to die When all the birds are singing in the sky Now that the spring is in the air Little children everywhere When you see them I'll be there. We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the wine and the song like the seasons Have all gone. We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the wine and the song like the seasons Have all gone. Goodbye Michelle my little one You gave me love and helped me find the sun And every time that I was down You would always come around And get my feet back on the ground. Goodbye Michelle it's hard to die When all the birds are singing in the sky Now that the spring is in the air With the flowers everywhere I wish that we could both be there We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the stars we could reach Were just starfish on the beach We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the stars we could reach Were just starfish on the beach We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the wine and the song like the seasons Have all gone All our lives we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the hills that we climbed were just seasons Out of time... 010809 ... florescent light I am grieving the death of my former life...my former self 010809 ... unhinged he made me happy for a few months. even after he was gone, my happiness was like the smell he left behind. and then one day a nocturne ripped a whole in my heart; a big black rent of how i used to be. since then it's been swallowing me back up. i want to call him; he gave me his number hoping that i would. but i can't pick up the telephone. of all my minor phobias, the telephone is one. i don't like calling people. they have to call me. i just wait. for them. there_is_nothing_here. he's moving to las vegas tomorrow. my first love. i haven't seen him in months even though he lives right down the street...i think it was easter the last time i talked to and saw him. but, actually he doesn't live right down the street anymore. it just makes me think of when i was still young and thought hope did something. last summer we were suppposed to hold each other up. this summer he's leaving me. i want to run down the street right now and scream for him in the middle of the cul de sac even though it's 1:30 in the morning. it would be like a movie. except his girlfriend is moving with his family to las vegas. i just wanted to tell him that i wished we could have been what we both wanted to be instead of what we are. he's going into the army to get away from them. i hope we don't fight a war. aaahhh, nik i miss you. i miss you like you are already thousands of miles away even though you are just down the street. there_is_nothing_here 010809 ... florescent light give me your phone number Nicole- I'll call you and MAKE you call him 010810 ... unhinged i love you sheryl you're the greatest 010810 ... florescent light different feelings/mind-sets produce different interpretations of the same situations had I encountered these same situations just 2.5 months ago- all my words would be of wonder, beauty and magic but for this minor phase of my life I can see the only the sharp pained bitterness ...unless the wonder, magic and beauty was just a phase of intrupted bitterness but I won't believe that 010811 ... florescent light now there is nothing and I know there will never be anything again 010822 ... distorted tendencies I wonder if I left /something/...? 010823 ... florescent light I can't find an escape 010827 ... sillysheryl I am ready to leave my house but I feel I am not ready to leave my friends to leave my beach to leave my culture it's almost as if I am giving up my identity I guess new york does that to you I don't want to be anything else I don't want to live anywhere else I guess I have strong attachments to this place feelings for it a part of me will be lost, empty, broken, incomplete I will have to take something and leave something why am I moving to California? is NY not good enough for me? if I like it here so much, why am i leaving? because I want to explore I want to experiance other parts of the country plus I want to be as far away from my parents as I can get but why California? why not New Mexico? why not Nevada? Arizona? I don't know why because I'm stupid I guess i'll go there and it will be just like living in some ghetto villiage in Queens and I'll say to myself...i moved to California for this, when I had it right around the block from me? in my head, I think it will be so different but a city is a city I'm confused and afraid I will be giving up something good for something not good 010926 ... *_the missing link_* there_was_definitely_something_there 020208 ... ClairE Hey, don't try to pull_the_wool_over_my_eyes! There is definitely something here! Shame_on_you. Don't make me look inside my heart. Not that part. The part where the truth resides. 020208 ... devalis because you're there. 020921 ... *nat* now that you have gone home, nothing to smile about, except the thought of you. Nothing to imagine, except your sweet touch There is nothing here ... except you 020922 ... kx21 The famous quote from Saddam_hussein on nuclear, chemical and biological weapons... 020922 ... User24 how poignant now. (sp?) 030428 ... pSyche there is nothing here- spare for some empty words, uttered by the fingers of the empty names on this screen. there is nothing here of any real value to anyone or any hidden treasure. there is nothing here but electronic data. 041223 ... pete the fountain is overflowing in its perfect, creating the thought of everything that exists before time, as it exists before the movement of the Great Soul.. there is nothing here that I can see or describe, no light, no notlight, nothing, but everything. and essense so intoxicating it is also a placebo. frost boils and steam is icy, breath comes quickly and asphixiation is always a fear. hearts explode from the speed of their nonexistant beats, and i cry as my tears cease to be and be at the same time... i dream the henactic dreams tonight 041224 what's it to you? who go blather from