paste! The up, decide

Tomorrow I will wake up before 1 o’clock.
This pen has a gelatin finger rest
for the comfort of the holder.
With 50 bucks, you can waste your life.
The ink is indecipherable.

In that dream, I eat the marrow
of whales. It makes me thin.
I’d like to wake up and write it all down.
The other time, eighty ducks were in my bed.
The funny one was the under the pillow, spying.

This is only meant to be interesting.
Dreams make up the examples
that we pass off as something far smoother
and justifiable than what actually
gets hidden as we express them.

Behind door number two
is a breathing kettle of piss.
You want to make things seamless.
Appearing from the other slit, the dime
rolls down into the collection drain.
unhinged when am i just going to fucking do it? i sit here staring at the page where i poured my heart out and i feel the trappedness inside my words. all the love i give away without ever even telling someone so that they have the chance to give some back. emptying myself because i'm too stupid to tell you to fill it back up. damnit. i complain and cry because i'm so lonely but i make myself this way. it's my fault. not anyone else's. not the stupid fucking rockstar guitar player who couldn't remember that i was out of the state for five weeks. not the tall skinny lesbian-in-her-own-mind with the tattoos all over her middle. me. because i won't tell them. because i'm too fucking scared to open my mouth. 010804
god i hear ya. 010805
what's it to you?
who go