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tell_me_a_joke
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DannyH
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I could really do with cheering up.
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010722
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baby satan
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guy walks into a bar. his dick falls off. some other guy picks it up and eats it. his dick falls off. the two discover that they have both lost their dicks, fall in love, and are unable to reproduce. they die.
hahahahaha! hahahahaha! jesus fucking christ! hahahahaha!
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010722
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baby satan
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wanna hear another? i got lost more where that came from.
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010722
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baby satan
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i got lost! hahahahaha!
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010722
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DannyH
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Thanks bs, I hadn't heard that one before and I kind of hope I never hear it again.
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010722
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DannyH
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You got more? Bring em on you freudian slipping infant beelzebub.
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010722
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baby satan
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parrot says to a wooden peg: "sharf snaggle amorafus! shrafnel!" the wooden peg comes to life and stomps on the parrot until he is dead. once upon a time, the end.
hahahahaha! hahahahaha! you see, sometimes these jokes don't seem too funny until you understand and apply vanderfookin's work. he opened up the portals of mental waste, allowing one to sidestep one's own raddled psyche and remove anything sensible from the wicker basket.
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010722
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kx21
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Chichen & Famous Folks Answer The Question, Q_As ...
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A from kx21:
She wanted to find the number of holes in the road...with her wisdom about hole(s):-
1000 holes = 1000 suspects
1000 Suspects = 100 Prospects
100 Prospects = 10 Listings
10 Listings = 1 Worm...
Other References:-
Searched the web for
Why did the chicken cross the road?.
Results 1 - 10 of about 102,000.
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010722
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kx21
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Just to say Hi...
The final answer to
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
The Chicken, with her wisdom or ignorance, smelled that there are more virgins of holes in the opposite side of the Road...
And some unbelievable strings...
http://www.driving.co.uk/chicken.htm
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010722
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dB
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Q: Why did Dafremen cross the road?
A: To go to silentbob's house and beat him up for turning into a soppy pile of lovesick crap.
Now that's comedy! But seriously, has anyone else noticed that about 'bob lately?
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010722
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kx21
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Have a wonderful day or fun by
digging deeper and deeper into or wondering around this hole...
Copyright 2001. kx21.com
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010722
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secretive llama
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whats the best thing about fucking a four year old?
hearing her pelvis crack
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010722
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baby satan
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::: melts into a puddle of disgusted goo on the floor :::
what the fuck?! that's just wrong! i mean...yuck!!!
::: washes his brain out with soap and a toilet brush in an attempt to wipe away the memory :::
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010722
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the llama again
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hahahahahahahhahaha... hah
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010723
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Gollum
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that is just horrible, yes my precious, very horrible
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010723
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baby satan
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i'm still trying to scrub it away.
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010723
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adolph hitler
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even i'm offended
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010723
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kx21
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Is there a Final Fantasy?
Tell me what are the ways can this hole gros and how wide and deep can this hole be...
And
I will tell you how wonder you are...
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010723
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kx21
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grow instead of gros..
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010723
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black-dyed gel product
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here's an oldy but a goody:
A cowboy walks into a saloon. He walks up to the bar with a big grin on his face. He tells the bartender that he just made $500 on a big bet. After a few drinks, he starts bragging to the bartender about how he never loses a bet. So the bartender say to him, "If you never lose a bet, I got one for ya: I'll give ya 1000 bucks if you eat 10 pounds of horseshit in under three minutes."
The cowboy takes the bet, and the bartender takes out a big pile of shit on a plate from under the bar.
"Eat up!" says the bartender mockingly.
So the man whips out a spoon and starts shoveling the shit down his throat. Slightly queasy, he finishes eating in 2 minutes. He demands the money from the bartender, but the bartender won't fork it over. He keeps telling the man that he didn't win. Seriously pissed off about being ripped off after eating horseshit, the cowboy takes out his pistol and holds the bartender at gunpoint.
"I ate the horseshit. Pay up, motherfucker!" barks the cowboy.
"You lost, friend. I bet you that you couldn't eat 10 pounds of horseshit in under 3 minutes. You just ate 13 pounds of horseshit and my sister's aborted fetus!"
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010723
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silentbob
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three tomatos are walking down the treet. papa tomato, mama tomato and a baby tomato. the baby tomato starts lagging behind, and the papa tomato gets real angry and squishes him
says: "Catch up."
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010724
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The Truth
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Ok....
This man walks upto the bar, sits down, orders a drink, and says to the bartender,
"I'll bet you I can bite my right eye!"
The bartender chuckles, "ok, heh, how 'bout 10 dollas?"
They shake. The man pulls out his glass eye and proceeds to bite down.
The bartender pays $10 to the man, who buys a drink or two, and the man says, "I'll bet you...FIFTY dollars I can bite my LEFT eye!"
The bartender, pauses, then accepts the bet.
The man pulls out his fake teeth and bites his left eye.
Later, after the man has had several more drinks, he says to the bartender, sluringly,
"I'll bet you $500 that I can stand up on the bar, and if you slide a shot glass down the bar, I will fill it with my piss, and not get a SINGLE DROP on the bar!"
"Five hundred dollars?" Says the bartender, "Show me."
The man opens his wallet and sure enough, he has 500 dollars, which he takes out and puts on the bar.
"Not ONE SINGLE DROP on the bar?" asked the bartender, making sure the terms of the contract were secure.
"Not a dr-drop, missssster" slurred the drunken man.
After much deliberation, the bartender said, "Ok buddy, you got yo'self a deal"
The man climbs up onto the bar, whips out mr. happy, the bartender slides the shot glass down the bar.
The drunken man starts pissing...
He pissed all over the bar, the mirror, the stools, himself, even the bartender. But the bartender didn't care.
"HA HA HA! YES! You, my friend owe me $500!" laughed the bartender.
Just then, in a dark corner of the bar, a larger biker dude stands up and groans loudly, and flips his table over, causing quite a disturbance, (even more so than a man pissing all over the place).
"Hey what's your problem, man?" demanded the bartender.
The biker said.
"This drunken idiot just bet me $1000 dollars that he could piss all over you and your bar, and you'd be HAPPY about it!"
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010724
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secretive llama
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thats cuuuute...
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010724
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TalviFatin
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*just laughs*
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010724
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kx21
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*** Breaking news***
the_string_between_man_and_chicken
from kx21.
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010724
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Dafremen
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B.S. Good stuff...keep it up I laughed my ass off.
A guy walks into a whorehouse looking for something kinky.
Once in the front door, the madam asks him what his pleasure is.
The guy explains that as a sailor he's been all over the world and made all kinds of love but that what he wanted was something completely unexpected and different. Something he's never heard of people doing let alone done before.
The madam taps lightly at her brow with a long painted finger nail.
"I'll tell you what I got. You give me $30 and I give you the key to room 203 where you'll find what you're looking for."
The man reaches for the money with out hesitation and with key in hand, climbs the stairs to the second floor.
When he gets to the room and opens the door he finds an empty room with a chair, a chicken and a mirror...that's it. Around the chicken's neck is a sign that sez "Do me."
The guy looks around, checks the lock and finally decides "Hey what the hell I spent the cash, I'll take the ass." so he does.
He tipped the madam $10 on his way out the door saying, "I'll be back next week."
A week went by and all the man could think about was the whorehouse and the next suprise that the madam would cook up for him.
When he arrived at the brothel, the madam was all ready for him.
"It's only $20 this time sugar", she said, "and go on up to room 205."
He forked over the dough without thought, without blinking, eager to get his hands on that key...to room 205..to RELEASE.
Opening the door you can imagine his suprise when he sees this guy sitting on one of four office chairs watching what appears to be a porno movie involving a monkey of some sort.
"Come on in and close the door, they're just starting." the strange masturbating chair man whispered.
Sitting as far as possible from the stranger, the sailor notices for the first time that this isn't a movie but a live orgy going on in the next room.
"Wow, this is great" , he says, casually pulling his tallywhacker out and starting to play with it, "do they do this all the time?"
"No, not always.", came the reply, "take last week for instance, there was some guy screwing a chicken!"
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010724
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kingsuperspecial
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so this woman gets on the train, and she's got her baby with her. now, the baby is pretty ugly. She sits facing man reading the paper, but after a minute he looks up, because he can't help notice the baby. It's the ugliest baby he's ever seen. The woman notices the man looking at the child, and finally they make eye contact. the man just can't resist, he's so intrigued by how ugly the baby is. "Is that your baby?" the man asks? The woman replied "yes, it is" and the man comments " that's a surprise, because that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen". The woman stands up in an outrange, nearly assaulting the man. I cannot believe you would insult me so! she screamed. You beast! Get the conductor, I want my seat changed! Well, the woman carried on until the conductor showed up, to see what was happening. This man insulted me. He is a vile, rude heathen I and demand my seat be changed. By now the woman was quite hysterical, and the ugly baby was crying. Look Mam, Im real sorry you arent pleased, and I think I can make it better. Ill find you a seat elsewhere, right away. To help make it up to you, why dont you have a complimentary dinner in the dining car while I get a seat picked out for you? The conductor watches as the woman picks up the baby picks up the baby and gets ready, and then says Im sure you will be happy with dining car. They have a lot of great food, and they might even have a banana for your monkey
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010724
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Dafremen
|
A group of engineers and a group of mathematicians are taking the train to a convention. As they're buying their tickets, the mathematicians are boasting that they saved GOBS of money on each ticket because they ordered them well in advance. Meanwhile they were also ribbing the engineers because they hadn't bought any tickets. When they got to the front of the line, the engineers bought only one ticket between them sending waves of titters running through the math-folx.
On the train the ribbing continued until the engineers' lookout spotted the conductor coming to collect tickets.
"Conductor!" He hissed, and all of the negineerin piled into the bathroom and locked the door.
When the conductor came by he knocked on the bathroom door. "Ticket please", he said loudly.
A single ticket slid out from under the door and the conductor went on his way.
Needless to say, it was the ENGINEERS who tittered all of the way to the convention.
The mathematicians, being incredibly thrifty, decided to refund all of their tickets except one. They were going to use the engineers' trick themselves.
Then one of them noticed that the engineers hadn't stopped at the ticket office.
"Heheh one ticket you got away with, but NO ticket?! Heheh let's see you Houdinis get out of this one!"
All of the mathematicians guffawed in unison at the thought of the engineers being kicked off of the train when the conductor found that they had no ticket.
Soon enough, the engineers' lookout spot the conductor coming.
"Conductor!", he warned, and all of the mathematicians piled into the bathroom on the right...all of the engineers into the bathroom on the left.
Just before the Conductor enters the car, one engineer comes out of the bathroom and knocks on the mathematicians' bathroom door.
"Ticket please."
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010725
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The Truth
|
Well, there's 30 seconds I'll never get back!
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010725
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kingsuperspecial
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I love you, Dafremen
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010725
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The Truth
|
Ok, one more.
There was this man, a Christian, who was sitting home one day, when all of the sudden a flash flood filled his yard and street with raging water.
He prayed, "God, please help me!"
A few moments later, a man floated my on two inner tubes, he shouted,
"Hey! I've got an extra inner tube here, | |
