staying_away
Mahayana ::i shouldnt need like this:: 020424
...
hey now! why not? 020424
...
hey now! "i shouldnt need like this"
how do you need?
what do you need?
who do you need?
what is so wrong with needing anyway?

"i shouldnt need like this"
but i do

and i need you
020424
...
Mahayana cuz i cant do anything but ::want::
where the fuck has my ability to
persevere to continue on to strive gone

i need her persevere
i really need her now persevere
yet i cant find her anywhere
it is as if my soul has commanded
the body ...

lay down no pain
dont move no hurt
give up no words - no talk
youve lost & bodys believe-
they always do they always do

i shouldnt need like this
it is not right to have a million things to do yet you sit and stare
things to do yet you sit and drink
things to do yet you sit and cry
things to do yet you sit and dream
things to do yet you sit and remember
things to do yet you sit and not try
things to do yet you sit and sit
things to do yet you sit and smoke
things to do yet you sit and stare
it is not right to have a million
i shouldnt need like this

it is not right to have a million things to do yet have no energy 2 fucking move

it is not right to have a million things to do yet no tangible motivation

no energy 2 fucking move
blathering has become my SI
no energy 2 fucking move

it is the only thing that allows me 2 feel anymore besides love, & love is so far away, a distant touch, embrace, smile :: i dont even remember how it looks when you smile at me, its all fading :: & i dont even have the energy to reach for abandoning shadows anymore

ophelia i understand the inclinations all too well ophelia i understand ::to just lay down and watch the world fade as i perish off in nature ... from nature to nature returning watching the world fade down just to lay::

ophelia ohfeelalot
ophelia ohfeelalot
ophelia ohfeelalot
020424
...
sarah i dont want to continue this here.
talk to me.
020424
...
Mahayana with such intensity
love, safety, sense of belonging
need 2 get myself back need 2 be with u

nothing is wrong with "needing"
however, when this is all you can do
this becomes rather problematic
nothing is wrong with "needing"

but these are not possibilities - 4 now
& im stuck in this rut
& the wheels keep on spinning
& further & further down i go
the softest mud can no longer sustain
the hardest soil can no longer endure
the weight of my heart
the weight of:

where ive been
what ive seen
who i am

it has taken years to
deconstruct me,
2 break my spirit,
2 tarnish my will,
& im expected to gather it all up
in less than a months time
:i cant i just fucking cant:
& im stuck in this rut :cant breath:
& the wheels keep on spinning
& further & further down i go :slipping:
with such intensity
020424
...
Mahayana for i merely aspire
to be affectionate towards you

medusas gloominess
cast
upon hallucinations
and now i can not be in motion
nothing progresses me in any reminiscence of you
& you are not here
& i am not there

& i only want to be near you
for i_have_nothing
and i want nothing

when
you are not here
& i am not there :i_have_nothing:

for i only desire to be close to you

medusas shade cast upon my vision
and now i can not move
nothing moves me like you
& you are not here
& i am not there

& i only want to be near you
for i_have_nothing
and i want nothing

when
you are not here
& i am not there :i_have_nothing:
020425
...
Mahayana :what i truly meant was:
i_need_to_take_some_time_away
020425
...
eddie strangely i feel a lot like that mayhana 020811
...
sab for i am too frightened
to come any closer
031102
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from