almost asleep i am,

because around you,

it's impossible to be anything else
sanguineous there's a certain beauty to confusion.
a collection of chaotic thought patterns pushing 80 through my mind.
back and forth.
quick as atoms.
can't concentrate long enough
to think where they came from,
or where they're headed.

...loving wholy and truly in one breath,
hating, wishing i never met you in the next,
and all the bickering ecstacy in between.

i can't stand you. sometimes it makes me sick.
and i almost like it.
...but not quite.

and sometimes i can smell you on my skin.
breathing you in.
filling my lungs with the butterflies of your scent,
feeling you pulsing through my veins.
and then i want to cease my breath
just to get your face out of my head.

so i'll open my chest and reveal my heart,
[...it beats for you.]
but you can't touch it yet.
i'm sorry i'm still afraid you might rip it out,
just for the sheer power you'd hold in your hand
no matter how gentle your caress,
no matter how sweet your kiss,
i'll always await the backhand, the bitter taste...

forgive me.
tainted by betrayel.

...stained in deceit.

i want you to have my heart
...if you can reach it.
what's it to you?
who go