silence_before_a_depression phil I can feel it, digging deep, building up weight, unpluging the things I think are helping me cope. In the morning I am going here and there, and this and that, but nope. This silence has me by the throat. 020619 ... god think of leonard nimoy's voice saying these words. 020619 ... cheer-up-emo-kid mmmm...leonard nimoy 020622 ... unhinged can't you see that when i'm not talking to you it's because i can't find the words? "i am throwing away all the letters that i am writing you because they will never do. i will never do. never." 020622 ... god in milwaukee in search of... 020622 ... Mahayana noize_after_filled_emptiness 020629 ... misstree more often the anger_before_a_depression. silence marks the transition 020630 ... Mahayana depression_before_a_silence dontshareit.dontsayit.dontfeelit 020703 ... Dafremen Boy ain't the old Dow Jones Industrial in the sh*tter these days? It's still coming you know. 020703 ... -{::ephemeral_arcs::}- It's like when you walk outside expecting something of the weather, and your first step never lands::And you find yourself falling through the earth but you can't spread your arms with enough delusion to pretend you're flying. 020704 ... Mahayana :[ resonance [is] fading ]: 020710 ... popokelvis tranquility before a storm 020710 ... blue star This is reminding me to take my prozac every time I see it... For the next couple days people, keep this blather current, ok? I'm scared of myself right now. see: I'm_off_my_prozac 020710 ... Toxic_Kisses Witch explains why I've been gone from blather for such an extended time, and why (for the most part) I'll continue to stay out of blather; I don't want any one "seeing" me like this. 020819 ... jane white_noise how it creeps up upon us 020819 ... ldyknight sometimes it feels like there's two of me. One wants to maintain composure and full control- the other doesn't really want to care. I stopped taking Zoloft about 4 months ago and I've felt so bad perhaps worse since I stopped taking it. Is this a sideaffect from quitting the pill? My doc's schedule is booked and I couldn't wait two months to see her so I took it upon myself to go back to my pharmacy and ask for my refill. She refilled my Zoloft- took one whole pill last night- shouldn't have cuz it was 50ml. This morning I woke up like I was somewhat floating on clouds 'high but overwhelmingly AWAKE and my eyes still felt tired, body weak. It's the wierdest feeling. So I think tonight, I'll cut my pills in half and start it the way my doc did... low dos and up in 3 weeks. Why did I use Zoloft and why am I going back on it? I think I would of been better off if I never met this guy I've been seeing... the coldness, lies, etc. became too much - I lost it... broke into many pieces. Couldn't focus and everything was falling apart in my life... I no longer saw the confident sexy chick in the mirror but a weak insecure bitch. I know I need to be stronger- but it's always easier said than done. One goal at a time eh! First, it's regain composure and confidence. Second, dump the unhealthy habbit of his exsistance. What do you think? 030509 ... whitechocolatewalrus "Couldn't focus and everything was falling apart in my life" dearest ldyknight, super glue, glue super, super glue. hang in there, you are beautiful, even if you can't see it, even if there are a few who don't respect it. there are people who love you. Find the super glue and hang onto it with all your might. 040225 ... somebody Beacuse you asked: LdyKnight, First dump his ass then work on regaing your composure and confidence, it'll work better that way, ater all think of it this way, your guy fell for the sexy confident you but then realizeing others found you atractive as well and wanting to keep you all to himself he began to shed your confidence, that way you'd feel like only he could "put up" w/ you, after all it's unlikely any one elce would right? - see you don't need that kind of shit! you really are better off with out him bc once he realizes your trying to take back controll of your life and regain your inner happyness and confidence he will really start putting in the effort to break you down and by then you most likely wont have the strangth to break up/leave the slime bag bc he'll have you so dependent on him, no boot him out while you can don't give him the chance to make things any more awful for you then they already are you really are beautifule so don't ever ~EVER~ believe him when he indacates otherwize bc to him it's all just a game he doesent really care about you he just wants to win the game, to first break you and then make you his dependent, obedeint pet - don't let him win. 040226 ... somebody Beacuse you asked: LdyKnight, First dump his ass then work on regaing your composure and confidence, it'll work better that way, ater all think of it this way, your guy fell for the sexy confident you but then realizeing others found you atractive as well and wanting to keep you all to himself he began to shed your confidence, that way you'd feel like only he could "put up" w/ you, after all it's unlikely any one elce would right? - see you don't need that kind of shit! you really are better off with out him bc once he realizes your trying to take back controll of your life and regain your inner happyness and confidence he will really start putting in the effort to break you down and by then you most likely wont have the strangth to break up/leave the slime bag bc he'll have you so dependent on him, no boot him out while you can don't give him the chance to make things any more awful for you then they already are you really are beautifule so don't ever ~EVER~ believe him when he indacates otherwize bc to him it's all just a game he doesent really care about you he just wants to win the game, to first break you and then make you his dependent, obedeint pet - don't let him win. 040226 ... typo shRed 040226 ... Eowithien Silence before a depression. Thats interesting. I suppose just because the only time I'm silent is when I'm typing and the only time I'm typing is when I'm being thoughtful. Which means I'm either in my online journals, talking to my friends online, doing homework (hey, thats thoughtful too...I guess), or here. But when I'm silent, it doesn't mean I'm depressed. I'm always depressed. I think. Oh nevermind. 040226 ... unhinged deep and penetrating who do you call when you are sick of hearing the same tired words rattling around in your own brain? no one; the dark silence_before_a_depression 041109 ... rage the silence of a funeral, or a sleepless night when unbearaably alone, only it's inside me, sitting there all dark and heavy. 'no one noticed when she didn't speak for days' 051120 ... (_) . . . before a storm. 051120 what's it to you? who go blather from