saying_goodbye jane i have come to the conclusion that people need to say goodbye before i leave because of some narcissistic tendency where they think i need to hear their voice before i go...otherwise why wouldn't they just call me or email me or something after i get there which is apparently when all these sudden friends will become sudden nofriends ... 030821 ... unhinged everyday i try to talk myself out of it; calling you. i tell myself 'more than likely he won't pick up the phone' and when you don't pick up the phone it wounds me. i know that you know that it's me. i guess i'm trying to say goodbye before i hate you. i had a feeling from the beginning that no matter the ending i wouldn't be able to hate you. things were different with you. even though i barely identify all those old times together (that's not me and you anymore) the history that results is fierce. saying goodbye to you is like saying goodbye to all of that place. you where part of that place for me from almost the very beginning. every time i see or hear something about vegas it makes me think of you. it makes me think of that morning when i stood outside and held your hand when you told me that you would rather be dead but you just couldn't see the point in doing it. and then i couldn't say anything but hold your hand. i hope that day my eyes were saying it all for me. that i understand. that i had been there, on that very same cliff, before. and even as i write this i want to call you. but i'm sure by the end of the day i will have changed my mind. this way of saying goodbye...yeah, it just sucks. 030821 ... girl_jane It feels odd... 030822 ... eyedream people like CLOSURE people LIKE closure PEOPLE like CLOSURE because it ends things nicely and you aren't left sitting there on your porch where he left you wondering what now where did he go and why I didn't I stop him was it a) pride b) fear c) futility d) all of the above and FOR THIS MATTER why didn't he take me with him and you remember those days in the WHITE DAISIES where we used to LOOK UP AND FORWARD rather than BELOW AND BACKWARD and never remembered anything but the future because that is the only thing worth a) remembering b) dreaming c) loving but this was all so inconsequential, all the big things are so very inconsequential they DO NOT matter DO NOT matter do NOT matter do not MATTER because OH did you notice backwards it is RETTAM but of course not for all of these feelings will just SWIRL WHIRL up and float or a) rise b) lift c) elevate d) plummet e) all of the above for nevertheless you are still on your porch with this knot and all loose ends and nothing is folded up and placed in front of you like a brightly shining package, no no no NO, you are just going to look and wish you had CLOSURE because if it doesn't finish you will just drives 030822 ... Spare Change hello in the hallways and walking to class. It's over now. Those things have passed. You've gone away and I said goodbye. I said it offhand without a tear in my eye. You left yesterday, you wanted to go and you said goodbye with a simple, "ditto." Our friendship was easy we talked all the time about loving and nothings and stupidity as a crime. We laughed at dumb movies and listened to songs, but these things are covered with all of our wrongs. We made people smile because we could not, but I said goodbye and now that's forgot. I may see you someday and maybe you'll smile, we'll laugh together and talk awhile. I doubt it though, my onetime friend. Even if I see you I think this is the end. There will be no more laughter just terrible silence and those hellos that are so strained and tense. It's been fun it's been real; I'll miss you, my friend, have a nice life. This is the end. 030824 ... ill never admit it this page made me cry. 030824 ... mon a thousand times i'm sorry the first time wasn't good enough 030824 ... Dafremen What happened to enriquecito and specialk made me cry. This paled in comparison. 030824 ... Dafremen see also: blather_tragedy 030824 ... Afro I don't even think I actually said goodbye. I think I just said bye. I didn't know what to say. Shit, we lived together and all of a sudden one day, it was over. I knew you were leaving, so it's not like it was a surprise, but I still didn't know what to say. You looked at me with a tear or two in your eyes and you said, bye Bri. I didn't even know what to say, expect, bye. You walked away for a second, and came back and said, after all this time, thats how you are going to say goodbye? So i hugged you and said, bye beck. You stepped back, looked and me and left. I watched you walk out the door and get in your car and leave. The apartment was almost empty, but I still could smell you. I guess it hit me when I was in the shower 2 minutes later, you were gone forever, so I cried. I didn't think I would, I didn't think I would be that sad, but I was. What the fuck had happened to us? I would've thought after all the bad the previous six months, saying goodbye would have been easy. It wasn't, I could've even do it. I'm sorry to this day I couldn't say goodbye better, but I'm not sorry I said goodbye. 030925 ... shell game You told me not to come. You thought it would be too hard, and there had already been too many goodbyes. But it hurt when I imagined you leaving for so far away without saying goodbye. It felt wrong and dangerous. So I went anyway, and you weren't expecting me. I parked a little way up the road and watched you put things in the car for a while. When you saw me first you looked surprised, and then you gave a tiny nod of your head - some how you knew I would be there, it made sense. It was just a quick hug. It wasn't about closure. It was letting_go as a way of holding on. It was about friendship, whatever, whenever, wherever that is. 040412 ... jane the last scene of lost_in_translation breaks my heart 040412 ... minnesota_chris what was up with that ending anyways? It seemed weird to me. I think the movie should have ended in the taxi. ending awkwardly, with lingering pain, kinda like life. 040412 ... angelita part of me agrees, m_c, but then, in life, many guys would have slept with Charlotte, and there'd be a whole different set of consequences. I don't know whether the whole spotting-her-through-a-crowded-street-sentimental-hug thing works...a little too clichéd, too saccharine, perhaps. but, as a friend pointed out, there's something about the last words in the picture being 'all right' which just works. 040412 ... misstree HEY! SPOILERS, BEYOTCH! NOT ALL OF US HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE! keep it on lost_in_translation, please, before i am forced to beat you mercilessly with the clue stick. 040412 ... misstree gets REALLY grumpy when movies get ruined sorry, that should have been beyotches, plural. 040412 ... angelita really, please, beat away. that was such a stupid, thoughtless, week-old-Heinz beans-on-toast thing to write. sorry. deserves far worse 040412 ... minnesota_chris i'm sorry, misstree, but the threat of beatings just doesn't sound like a bad thing from you... sorry if I ruined the movie though 040412 ... misstree it's not the beatings you need to worry about... it's the mercilessly you need to worry about... and the movie isn't ruined for me, i just caught a glance and my memory is bad and i'll still watch it and hopefully like it, i'll just like it a little less. :P say ten hail val_kilmer s and you'll be forgiven. 040412 ... anitsirk24 I've tried to say goodbye to you so many times. There were times you knew what I was doing, and times you didn't. Now, I don't need to anymore. You're simply...gone. Away from me, and with her. She probably has no idea what we had, or almost had. She probably has no idea that we were something special, and she has no idea what we could have been. But now, even after saying you didn't think you could handle not ever talking to me again, you barely speak to me. It makes things easier for me, granted. I hardly ever really think about you anymore. But when I do, it is so incredibly painful. And I simply wish you had taken my heart when you broke it. When you do talk to me, it is only stupid comments, and idle chit chat. There are no talks that are deep and meaningful. I've had to say goodbye to my friend, and hello to an acquaintance. 040412 ... little wonder I didn't think it would be the last time. had I know, I would have been crying a lot harder. it was easier knowing that it was only for a few months. I knew you were watching. you always watched until you couldn't see me any longer, past the security point in the airport. I tried not to make my mascara run anymore, knowing your eyes were on me. I thought it would make it easier on you. I didn't step into that airport until almost a full year later. I didn't want to be there. I wanted to run out the doors and stay in the comfort of that city, but my destination was 2 more hours away by plane. My bags wouldn't be with me. I'd be stuck without a functional phone, without clothes, and then what? call you from a payphone? it shouldn't have, but it hurt to be there. it hurt to watch the plane land and know it wasn't where I belonged. it hurt to watch the plane take off and know I was going somewhere else, out of your reach. 040412 ... unhinged i hate it I HATE IT it always makes me cry and this feels like the last time i miss my old life when i was miserable but you were definite not about to disappear not to let this be the last time you have to promise me you'll come back i don't care when just as long as i can sit with you again miss you more love you MOST 040611 ... star I have never been more terrified of saying goodbye. And we haven't even said hello yet. 050626 ... a chaotic gift to idealism i swear on my own grave i will never say it again to you. never. goodnight, see you later, rest well, until tomorrow, cya, call me tomorrow, etc, etc... never goodbye. 050627 ... tessa you never let me say goodbye i'll never forgive you for that 090522 ... jane (strange, i had this urge to write here yesterday) 090522 ... In_Bloom It used to mean something final Time has proven to me though that most of us weave in and out of each others lives Now anytime I say goodbye it's not so hard and I don't feel compelled to convince anyone of what future might be 090522 ... unhinged in the end words don't mean much anyways 090522 ... does it ease the pain? that's all I was asking for, a little closure. All I got was a lie followed by being completely shut out and shut down and cut off, and so rudely too. I thought I deserved a little more than that after becoming so close. I'd like to think there was pain driving that decision, as it drives all of mine. But I don't believe that for a second. 091127 ... Lemon_Soda Because you know them so well you can tell what their thinking and feeling? Don't be naive. And I'm not trying to be a dick but if thats how you take it I can live with that. 091127 ... Doar I've said this too many times, like writing a phrase on the blackboard, meant to imprint the crime upon your memory, leaving you with the will to withhold the deed again and daed again. . I miss you as I've said goodbye, knowing that whatever I may do will end with you forgetting us all. Forgetting our pictures. 091127 ... past i didn't know him, we only met a few times, but he is family, and he took himself away. she's too young to know, but she only has one granddad now. 091127 what's it to you? who go blather from