hrmf everyone says they're so worried and so concerned, but here I am alone 010727
nocturnal about my friends
about my boss
about my dad
about me
silentbob About the concert 010727
mon your cough worsens daily
it is starting to worry me
i feel i am to blame somehow
is it all my fault?
remember the times you said
you wished you never had kids
maybe i am part of the glue
holding together a cracked pot
sure it is precious but
it is scarred it has changed
since its glaze was set in the kiln
DammitJanet I didn't mean to sound distant. Aloof. Irritated.

Yesturday was a tough day, it started out great but then everything started to get very annoying. Even when i got home. My tailbone is killing me again, it makes it difficult to do the simplest of tasks. And not being able to find the converter to shut up the tv seemed to be the last straw! So forgive me for sounding annoyed and uninterested.

Although, i was starting to worry. Being ignored or avoided is one of my biggest fears, especially after being together for the first time. But i was trying to think that there were reasons and tried to convince you of them as well even though i wasn't convinced myself.

And last night, while i layed in bed, i started to get really defencive.

I was ready to forget all about him if i didn't get a call. Ready to arm myself with indifference quicker than he could ever imagine.

But he called. Said he was having dinner with his parents, playing golf with his dad. He just got in the door 2 minutes ago, sat down and called me. Missed talking with me yesturday, said he was planning on calling. He sat down at 815 with 10 minutes left in the first. Thought he'd watch the rest of that period, and call me for our nightly talk, but didn't even get through 5 minutes before he fell asleep. I have been keeping him up alot lately.

So then i was okay. I was no longer worried. I was though, i was with the thought that he'd turn into everyone else combined. It's been a week since he's logged on too.

I don't purposely keep things from you. Well, i did. Because i thought you'd see exactly what was going on and force me out of it. For some reason i felt i wasn't ready, but i should have been. I've learned that lesson. But please don't worry. I'm over making things sound amazing when they're not. There's no point of it. If i'm not happy, why should i be in the relationship? I used to think "because i'm doing something wrong" or "i can change this situation" or "i'm staying for him".

Never again.

I can't wait until you meet him.

And this time, you're spending actual time, not a quick 2 minute passing.
monee sick 041219
monee i'm worried

i don't want her to worry

she's already so worried

i don't want
to worry about her worrying about me
nom something happened yesterday 070126
nom he fell and hit his head 070126
what's it to you?
who go