unfair no reason i want the best of both worlds. but that's unfair to everyone. 140525 ... nr trying to be mad at someone and to convince yourself you can do without them and almost convincing yourself, and then having them appear and say something funny and clever and being the person they are that is the person you like(d). it reminds me of a mother's comment today; she said that it always seems that when your baby is driving you crazy, screaming when you've hardly slept, and you're about to tear your hair out, the baby decides to do something adorable, which tips the scale again and makes things okay. (this second example, however, is not unfair, and is probably good for the mother and baby. but it's like second nature; human beings of any age somehow just know when to change their behaviour to throw things off-balance.) 160224 ... nr i might have a someone else but i didn't like seeing you with a possible someone else. 160324 ... nr you're fucking everywhere. in the tag on my beach towel, since you'd always ask me why i kept the tag on my fluffy pillow, and then to taunt you i showed you every time a tag was left on something. in the cover band at the beach bar playing vaguely metal-sounding songs. in a meme about canadian measurement systems. in the mention of tattoos on a podcast episode. in anything '90s, especially music. in a walk out to the beach at sunset. in talking to people who aren't you. in the air that i'm missing. 230701 ... nr that you let us get so close that two months felt immeasurably longer. that you wanted us to get even closer. that you did everything you could to make this happen before snatching it away. 230701 ... nr that sitting on a patio i've sat on periodically for nearly a decade now makes me think of you because when you were on it you said you wanted a cot up here and i literally just thought i wanted to sleep by the waves 230701 ... nr you'll never know unless you actually open your mind and let your whatever body part it is that actually lets you be completely yourself do what it does. i will never be given a chance if i don't open whatever i need to open to get my real self out immediately upon meeting. 230904 what's it to you? who go blather from