threshold peyton A MUD that will BURN in HELL for not letting ME USE my damn CHARACTER NAME THAT I WANTED THEY WILL PERISH IN FLAMES POOLS OF BLOOD RIVERS OF BLOOD DETERGENT! EIGHTY SEVEN AND A HALF! 020516 ... meep anger runs parallel to other emotions i succumb to and a general state of depression blankets all i can not feel beyond that because it is all i have know since the day of my inception 060609 ... birdmad the easiest place for me to spray away the ants that invade my house from the colony under the hedge by my window 060609 ... nr if everything goes smoothly and relatively comfortably, things stay stable. like some kind of stasis. some kind unreality, at best vaguely pleasant; at worst irritably dull. but when something scary or uncomfortable or sad happens, that's when the fear kicks in. the threat of loss of control is real. like the body mechanism that's meant to handle pain has been so weakened it doesn't know how to do its job anymore. so it doesn't. it pushes things away as far as they can go, and when it struggles with that, it pushes them out in a way that means they're in even more than before. 220116 ... ugh some kind OF unreality. 220116 ... nr i guess it can be kind 220116 ... nr i don't know what it is about crossing the 40 threshold, but my tolerance for bullshit and for people being assholes is at an all-time low. i will tell people if they are being assholes. i care much less what people think these days because people often think silly things. it's liberating but somewhat lonely. 230924 ... raze (i feel that, nr.) 230924 what's it to you? who go blather from