birdmad in anticipation

the birds wait on the rocks for the thermals to cary them heavenward

the runners for the starting gun, all twitching inside but serene on the surface until the moment of the sharp crack

the bronze statues that dance in front of the theatre
soia laying in the fogged darkness of subtle sulfur lamp glow thinking about how indefinite I feel and how things seem so far away and I'm typing a letter in my mind but the words won't stick to the air between my ears or the air between you and me because there's a lot there now 010531
Miffey I still love you, Kitten.
I think about you everyday. I always told you that I would love you forever, and that was the absolute truth.
I wonder if all the times you told me that you would love me forever too, I wonder if you meant that? I wonder if you still love me?
xdamagedx i love the way you smell

and still she doesn't call. and still she goes and sees that guy. and still i'm here alone. and still black ink looks good. and still music gets old. and still i count the days. and still books are going by faster. i think i'm liking it more and more. i'm going to have to compensate soon. and still i miss them. why can't i keep them? in the small sweaty platform of my palm
chanaka the sight of you still drives me insane:
with whatever part of my brain isn't diseased, I want you.
lull still here
im breathing

the wind reminds me of your hands
silentbob birth 021029
silentbob haven't eaten 040711
tilt tapping away
making symbols appear
no-one will read
in a hundred years no-one will know
this has been another tilt production
enjoy it while you can
tessa two years of distance dissolve in a breath
he is still lovely
i am still stricken
unhinged tilted 051126
native persimmon moping? 051126
zedel oh
it still hurts

there is still something right in the centre of me
bound up so tightly, and yet it unravels at the smallest touch
a cold, pulsing ball of shock, anger, desperation, loss

don't touch it, don't touch it

i can still hardly believe it happened
i can't believe this is reality

i see now
the pain never goes away
you just try to dwell in it less

not so different
i see
cr0wl when it comes to me i accept it, only to release it lest i burn my hands again. 080622
verle paul be still. 080822
unhinged i feel better when you are sleeping next to me

the way you smell
the way you snore
the way you cuddled up next to me

none of this makes any fucking sense; so many people have told me to run the other way, my own better judgement included. i've been so tweaked i wanted to change my number and move because of you.

several people have asked me what it is about you that i'm attracted to. they say it's my big heart that is attracted to the broke down mess in you. but i truly know that i can't help someone that doesn't want help. i have never asked or tried to change you. but when you aren't making me feel like shit, you make me feel ( )

(this is where words always fail me)

today, after you left, i was thinking about how much better i feel when you are sleeping next to me. and then in the next breath, i remember how horrible and bitter i've felt every time you've walked out on me.
what's it to you?
who go