step_into_fear
unhinged get out of the cocoon 101113
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lostgirl i watched a show tonight about these guys in california who jump off cliffs in these aerodynamic sort of flight suits....what a leap of faith. they ultimately pull a parachute after "flying" awhile, however the uncertainty of the landing must be astonishingly adrenaline pumping. if they can step off a cliff, and ignore the possibility of the myriad of things that could go wrong, i should certainly have the courage to step into my own fears.... 101114
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unhinged ripping a hole in the cocoon we make for ourselves is way harder than jumping off a cliff with a parachute. the suffering of the world is way more intimidating than the bottom of a valley.

fear is the primary reason for not actually truly connecting with our world.



fear is our ego digging it's claws in tight when it feels us throwing it out with the bathwater

groundlessness 		101114
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unhinged (sorry; just watched an episode of jersey shore and the mindlessness of that show infects me in bad ways;

but, as achieveable as it seems when i'm half_secluded in the center, sitting, walking, breathing, eating and laughing with like_minded people, getting that same openness out into the world is another story.


on the bus after work today, a thug with a neck tattoo and cornrows looked me square in the eye because i was bumping some hip_hop pretty loud and i couldn't hold the eye_contact for more than a second.

yesterday, the teacher at the center mentioned eye_contact as a way of being brave in the world. in my interview, he kept staring at me when i had nothing to say. i either looked away, or started talking about things i didn't really want him to know about. it was a weird experience.

then in his talk after the interviews, he mentioned that; eye_contact as bravery. the way some of us hide in our cocoons by avoiding eye_contact or taking on meek postures so we seem invisible to the people around us. i felt like he was pointing a finger at me with his words.


i wonder if that teacher has taken the bus. then again he teaches in the public schools in milwaukee. ) 		101114
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unhinged this is the year where i stare fear in the face and smile 110101
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unhinged i picked up and left my life 1700 miles behind
the things that i've found since
have been
unnameable


i am strong
i am brave

(sometimes i need to say these things out loud to believe them)



when we are together
i have no doubt 		130203
...
unhinged i have lived in places where
confidence in an invitation to
confrontation

where holding your head up
and looking someone in the eye
could end in
arguement

disarm them with a smile


mara assualted siddartha
with every imaginable threat
as a last resort
mara sent an army to the bodhi tree
siddartha turned their arrows to flowers
with the power
of his smile 		130703
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unhinged if you irritate me, i will tell you know instead of holding it in and letting it fester

now to perfect this into a nonaggressive art 		160109
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unhinged im gonna get bruises 161111
what's it to you?
who go 		blather
from