saturday guitar_freak I'm so scared about saturday. I have to give my history to a room full of people. I don't like admitting my drug and alcohol problems to myself, but having to go in front of a large group and tell them everything is fucking SCARY. My boyfriend will be there and he doesn't know everything but i suppose he will learn... so scary. Two of my teachers/friends, a bunch of people from my AA group, dreadlocks will be there....everyone. I'm so worried. I don't want to fuck up and make a fool of myself like i always somehow seem to do. ACK! stress 011120 ... guitar_Freak it went well. I spoke and everything turned out all right. I have no idea what i acually SAID, but everything went all right... 011125 ... belly fire open the windows tie up your growing hair lay out your pale legs under the sun and soak up a few minutes worth of vitamin d it's early and the sun is warm but already it is moving across the sky and will pull long shadows across the floor until you are forced to leave your apartment for more sunshine on your face the smells of summer are returning and I am ready 050416 ... now_now being at work on a saturday is agony, but for the overtime and weekday off... 080628 ... past falling into a pattern. waking up late, a bit groggy, and then running around on the pitch for a few hours, to return home and laze until going out to sit on a friend's balcony until the day ends. 080628 ... internet meme machine caturday 080628 ... kerry the night walks are becoming routine. it is simply too hot during the day. we go a slightly different way, the smell of laundry detergent in the air pass by saint monica school that's such a lonely-looking building everyone was out, enjoying the night. it's saturday and summer, no school we pass a couple sitting in lawn chairs, the woman in a head scarf, and her smile is so warm and she says hello seems like everyone around here says hello, or some version of it. "cute dog" or "enjoying the night," even this morning a man who always scowls at me finally asked how we're enjoying the block and when i said it was great he seemed satisfied but still didn't smile. there is a little tavern that reminds me of a townie bar back home, right behind the apartment where i lived with iz and and mary, and it has benches like the ones we sat at. there are people sitting there, but i don't know them. i don't know many people here, actually. we are talking about how sad it is that neither of us can enjoy woody allen films anymore and a thrift store i went to that felt more like a museum. the houseguest bought me a teacup there. some kids have gathered in the park and set up speakers and they look suspiciously at us as we pass, as though we think they are suspicious, though really i think they are just doing what kids do, which is gathering and doing nothing (doing whatever) and somehow enjoying it. the houses look strange against the sky, as though they are made of paper. i wish the sky was darker. there is my ghost's bakery. they say he was a sweet old man walked just one block away i suppose in the early morning, i've seen someone in there around midnight baking saw them through the window but maybe that used to be him the night walks are the best, feels like you see everything 210814 ... kerry "today i want to do absolutely nothing" turned into: a trip to west philly to get vegan donuts difficult conversations on a park bench eating aforementioned donuts sweating all that out with weights while everyone else napped a mediocre dinner followed by a not-quite-ready peach, while watching "jackie brown" (a great movie) and an email full of sad news 220903 what's it to you? who go blather from