presence minus your essence surrounds me, winding around my being as if you were hugging me right here, right now... distance sucks 010307 ... mikey i agree absolutely =o( 010308 ... yoyo in my garden that's never happening again, right? 010516 ... silentbobfuckyou i could feel you breathing on me why did it feel like a breeze to me? i'm so fucked up. it felt like you were tapping my arm with the back of your hand, but you were just asleep and adjusting your position. everything is breaking apart. i could feel your foot digging into my leg. this has to stop 010719 ... tender_square (an erasure poem made from a cut up and redacted at&t bill, found in sidewalk_notes) you can use long distance services; find the name of publications, including guidebooks, service guides. conditions may change from time to time. how to resolve any dispute? you should review terms on a regular basis, paperless. want to stop and enjoy the convenience of connection? meet stream: a fresh approach. the best of all your favorite now. 211220 ... kerry i have been asleep. 211220 ... unhinged mine is highly variable like my mood 211220 ... epitome of incomprehensibility In bed last morning, or maybe it was night. Trying to imagine what someone's dying moments would have been like, and then thinking in a sleepy confused way: "But I can't imagine it if they died right after." And then, "But how does that stop me? I can't know, but imagining doesn't require the subject of your imagining to have a lengthy continued existence. And everyone dies sometime." Then I had a sense that all experiences, of all people past and present, alive and dead, were with me. Could be with me. A sense of something shared. And that could be dreadful too, but in the aggregate, it felt hopeful. A wealth of experience, of community. In lieu of spirituality... (I started that sentence and the first thing that popped into my head was "In lieu of spirituality, please send cupcakes." I don't even like cupcakes that much.) Anyway, maybe if I can get back to whatever mental space I was in when I thought this, it can help alleviate the fear of being alone that I get sometimes. Although that isn't in the abstract - it's just the dull, silly fact that I feel anxious if I'm alone sometimes. 220301 what's it to you? who go blather from