him amy red lights blue lights red lights blue lights (oh, my, oh) 020906 ... Cicero He is not me, And me is not him. She is not mine, For she is interwined Not in my album, But his. 030101 ... amy she probably doesn't belong to anybody... he wants beauty, he says. beautiful illusions, perhaps. and on the other hand, very subtle inspirations for spirit-and-matter. if we knew each other, we'd be enemies. 030518 ... amy the enmity is not because of the beauty or inspirations, though. it's some power and manipulation bullshit. getting what you want. 030519 ... amy despite the unreality in the many seasons of this story, there is still something there and that is the effect that he has had on me. he pulled out a gun and added his hand to the ones that were pulling the rug from under me. the angels made him do it, and i'm happier, but that is not the way one handles the trust of the curious. it was as if he challenged his comrades to prove Pavlov wrong. i've got a load of paranoia to tell him that his impulse does not promote the sounds of bells leading to his redemption. however, my act of forgiveness is and has been a challenge to his powers of discrimination. so there. love, from, the Way Warrior. 030922 ... amy i'm unfair to him. so much resentment... so much loneliness and impossible feelings. he makes me scared out of my mind, sometimes, when i think he's for real. because mostly he's just in my imagination. it's been good exercise to just forget about him, periodically. 031028 ... megan right here in my arms 031029 ... belly fire I pushed my face into his crumpled shirt, held it that way and slowly took in his clean scent filled my lungs with the sweet smell of sleep I must have stood that way for quite some time just breathing breathing him 040302 ... mcdougall It all sounds so wonderful Does he know how great it must be to be him? I’m jealous of the attention given to him. I can get it, but I always feel second. I think it's because I am and I’m not what she really wants. I’m just there when she wants me, where as he is always there when I want to be. Maybe you do care, but I am so completely unable to understand how people see me, and understand that I can be, and am, liked by anyone, including you, that I don't realize it. On the other hand maybe I am just a big dick, and that’s the only reason you care at all. 040302 what's it to you? who go blather from