forgetting raze easier said than done, except for those times when it's easier done than expected. and that's when the real concern sets in. because where do the forgotten go? and can the memory be jogged? or has it been living a sedentary lifestyle for so long, it's forgotten how to do even that? you don't want to see a memory all sweaty and spent, doubled over and out of breath. it's not a pretty sight. 130213 ... kerry steve said years ago that he’s terrified of dementia and he takes a different route to work every day to keep his brain fresh and plastic, and i started doing the same thing. now i do it without realizing. when we were kids jackie’s grandfather, a cartoonist from queens, was diagnosed with alzheimer’s and she talked less and less about him the worse it got. i said they think my grandpa had alzheimer’s too, and she said no, probably not, because it’s a disease, because with my grandpa it was like flipping a switch, and with ga-ga it was like watching time turning back–she said she was watching him revert, that he was becoming younger and younger and eventually would stop talking and become a baby in diapers, and that is exactly what happened. my grandmother is 95 and started slowly forgetting, falling backwards, years ago. but she still sounds like herself, still looks like herself, still hums under her breath in a way that drives my mom nuts but is endearing to me. she still dances and goes to the salon and sings in the church choir and winks at me from across the room. i have her short torso and long legs and pale red hair and her giggle fits–her cheeks turn red and tears stream down her face and she has to excuse herself, go catch a breath and wipe her eyes. i’d call her and say guess what, i’m in oregon now, i’m not so far away anymore! and every time i’d say it her voice would become so chipper and she’d say how delightful and good for me, how i’m growing. and at first it made me sad but after three or four reminders i thought to myself, maybe it’s not so bad, maybe there’s something nice about this perpetual good news? i get it now, that feeling of forgetting and being surprised over and over by something i used to understand… i can watch a movie and forget it completely and it’s just as good or scary or heartbreaking as it was the first time. i can read an old journal and be shocked by the things i thought and felt and the way i tried to wrap my mind around things i was too young to understand. many of those things i still don’t understand. 211209 what's it to you? who go blather from