depression joe the mear sound of it is depressing sulking in your mind trying to find out what it is that you want need to be happy but some reason i miss it the feeling that no one cares , even tho you know every one does. I like to be depressed but dont get to be any more does that depress me ?? who knows 010208 ... mikey clinging darkness ever surrounding our minds. a void. a black hole sucking the light out of your soul. funny i recall years and years ago i would see commericals on "clinical depression" and id laugh and think YEAH right how lame. and then when you suffer from it...its like a whole new world. dark and dreary. depression is like a war. one you often feel you cant win. some of us have small fights with it..others live in it every day. 010306 ... dB Joe, Mikey, Depression is a battle. What happens is that, like any war, it's starts out small and escalates. Eventually whole industries are build to keep the thing going. The whole thing is about discovering new things and experimenting, developing new technologies and weapons. It turns into an industry that drives the world, and it can't just stop because the whole economy would just collapse. Depression is similar. There is a war going on inside your head. You come up with new ideas and ways of thinking to combat it or understand it. It becomes the focal point of your life. Then suddenly it's over, and the amazing quietness gets annoying. You miss it because you thrived on it, then suddenly it's not there. Like the economy after a war, you just stop, and feel like there is nothing there. Everything just stops. Eventually new things come up that you can feed on and get moving again. Then things tick away nicely until the next war, stress. 010306 ... mikey well said dB. i have this philosphy on depression. goes like this... people who do not get depressed..maintain an even emotional state. they are negative, or low self esteem..constantly. somehow they are constant. those of us who suffer from depression. we have ups and downs. we will hide everything away...and when it hits..it hits hard. depression. just an observation dont know if its 100% true. likely it doesnt but made me think of it in a different way. 010306 ... nocturnal well, dB, you know what you're talking about. I especially agree with that part about how you thrive on it. sometimes I'm a normal, happy person, but if I stay like that too long, I start to feel like I've lost my true self. then when it does come back, I don't want to get rid of it. it's almost like I'm more comfortable when I'm depressed than when I'm happy. 010306 ... mikey sometimes when im depressed i feel like i have less to worry about almost like i block it all out and i have to say sometimes i enjoy it =o( 010306 ... dB Enjoying it is part of it. It just happens. You realise that the way you think about things ingeneral when you are depressed is different. Particular senses are hightned, while others are suppresed (spelling?). It's a different way of seeing the world. As you said Mikey, those who are constant suffer low self esteem. Or maybe that is how you choose to see them. Rather then them having low self esteem, maybe you just have low esteem for other people. I do. I hate humans. I don't hold them in high regard at all. These "constants" are mere shadows of people. Those of us who get the highs and lows (part of a minimumised manic cycle), see things as they are, where as the "constants" see nothing. I dunno. I'm rambling again aren't I. Ok I'll stop now. 010306 ... dB hang on, that should say "minimised maic cycle"; not whatever it was that my dumb ass fingers typed. sorry. 010306 ... mikey dB you deserve a BONK !! 010306 ... soia hating yourself and hating others go hand in hand, practically inseperable 010306 ... mikey possibly. i dont hate myself and i dont hate others. but i can think of people who might make that statement 100% false. 010306 ... chanaka she's depressed he's depressed the dog on the curb is depressed i'm depressed is the whole world depressed? 010306 ... soia not I 010306 ... mikey i think someone is in denial. one of those people sorta the type walks around quoting bible verses every breath just to strengthen themselves. 010307 ... soia If you're referring to me, I'm sorry you're so wrapped up in your own wonderful world of depression that you feel that way. As for me, I've been depressed enough in my life to know that right now I am definitely not depressed in any way, shape, or form. I'm happy with who I am, and I'm happy with my life. I don't find myself to be depressed just because I am concerned about someone who I love very much. From what I can tell, he may be happier than I think. Hell, he may be reading this, so I stop here. 010307 ... mikey it seems to me i struck a nerve. i get the impression from mass reading these past 2 days your the type that can push your opinions and simple solutions on others...and your advice. but you cant take it yourself. which in reality matters to me not. blather is where i share anything that pops into mind. you do have good skill with expressing your thoughts thats a positive thing. and thats what i will end on. 010307 ... mikey quote: "I'm sorry you're so wrapped up in your own wonderful world of depression that you feel that way. "end quote. actually im currently not depressed at all. also im sorry it seems you took offense, wasnt meant in an offensive way. 010307 ... dean-bean She cried and I didn't know what to do. I just sat there and held her and told her it would all be okay. I hate lying to people like that. I felt like crying for her. 010402 ... silentbob You don't even have to say depression and everyone in the room will know what you're talking about. 010906 ... Q My working hypothesis for the time being is that depression is a sine qua non for creativity. One can suffer from depression and not be creative. Witness many Republican corporate executives, for example. But it appears to me that one must suffer from depression - not necessarily manic depression but some sort of depression - to have any chance of being creative. I wonder why that is? I wonder how it provides a selective advantage in the process of evolution? A thousand generations from now will everyone be deeply depressed but highly creative? I don't know. I just hope they are more creative than we are now. 020325 ... nocturnal I think it's contagious. 020408 ... blamethesky hitting me so hard right now. dead-end relationships leave me wanting more. even the thought of moving isn't doing it for me anymore. 020409 ... Evil parallel Bono "you make me feel like i could fly, so high, ELEVate me" oh, bugger, sorry, wrong blathe well, if anything i hope my foolishness cheered things up a tiny bit after all, i'm not completely evil 020409 ... unhinged fuck it i am not going to be dependent anymore (at least this is what i'm saying today) 020409 ... blown cherry Naked and writhing around on my bed. Sweating in the middle of the day, getting all tangled up in the satin sheets. Too much noise in my head. Weeping, crying, cumming, and crying even harder. All the while thinking of you. 020409 ... chanaka my greatest vice my enemy my friend my always open and listening ear who whispers into my brain my hardest battle, to stay upright, to stay free all i have to say is, i love my drugs. 020409 ... celestial i feel it. only one will reach out a hand for me to hold, and shes so far away. i cant eat i cant sleep i cant concentrate, and i dont care enough to try. i could fail all my classes and not give a shit. i could die and not have to deal with the pain in my chest that is constantly stabbing at my heart. i could die, and no one would care. not for long anyway. "theres nothing wrong with you, sarah. i think you just have a chemical imbalance." later.. "I am in NO MOOD for a pity party today!" make up your mind bitch. do i need help? or am i just pathetic? yeah go ahead, send me to a fucking christian counselor. we all know your hidden hopes that maybe she will instill some of her christian morals and ideas into my head and ill no longer be "confused." i dont need help. i need death. 021117 ... jinx that little dimple... 021118 ... psychobabe AHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAH AHAHAHHAHHAHAHAAA HAHAAAH HAHHAHAHA HAAHAHAHAHAHA AHHAHA HA AHA AHAHAHAHA *points and laughs at you ALL* AHHHHA HAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHA HAAHAHAHAHA AHA HAHAHAHAH AHA AH AHAHAAHAHA HAHAHHAHAHA AHAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA 021118 ... wasting my hate Psychobabe, Why are you being such a bitch. See: suicide. It's obvious you've been there yourself so shut the fuck up. 021118 ... celestial do you not realize that something like that, however insignificant, can hurt someone to no end and push them over the edge? you cant honestly think that depression is something to be laughed at. so i wonder, what on earth made you so do that. strange.. i feel more sorry for you than i do for myself. 021118 ... psychobabe HAH you wonder why the fuck i laugh at you! BECAUSE IVE BEEN THERE AND look at me now, still here still alive. Maybe you've gone throu some of the shit that i have or maybe you havent, we've all got our own sad and pathetic stories. YOU seem to one that is quite the stereotype huh? I mean me being a "bitch" and all *rolls eyes* I wouldnt even try to put me down on this shit cuz i have gone past it, seen what reasons i have to be here and can get past it all UNLIKE you PS- dont even tell me to shut the fuck up, cuz i really dont give a fuck what you say or do, so move on just like the rest sincerely yours- psychobabe 021119 ... psychobabe *-*-*Laughs her ass off...AGAIN*-*-* oh damn, this shit is hilarious! =D 021119 ... celestial if you really dont care what i say or do, then why bother responding to anything i say? in fact, why even bother reading it? and if you have indeed "been there," then you should know that it is most certainly not a laughing matter. shut the fuck up 021119 ... kerry let's just forget this whole thing and just laugh at ourselves? 021120 ... silentbob some depression is just self_pity other depression is clinical and needs medication. some people can't "just get over it" some people wont "make it out alive" maybe you were just sad and now you're laughing at people who really have a problem. sometimes life is easier if you just keep your mouth shut. 021120 ... wasting my hate Beings I was the one that called you a "bitch" I'm assuming this was addressed to me. "...seen what reasons i have to be here and can get past it all UNLIKE you." I don't really recall saying I had anything that I couldn't get past... so because you've gotten past your "battle" with depression you now how the right to kick down anyone else feeling low? riiight...tsk tsk *puts hands on hips disapprovingly* since when has that been the christian thing to do? See: Broken_heart I seriously think you should take some of Silentbob's advice. 021120 ... psychobabe silentbob and wasting my hate, honestly. This wasnt ment to be so horrible, people took it waaaaay to seriously. And you know what? I never did anything wrong. I never came out and said names. You know why i laughed? cuz i laugh at things that somewhat make me depressed, but you know yes i'm past my depression more than i was before. But you all dont know anything about my life. And i think its sad....cuz red blather has gone to hell. I dont think anything can save it now 021122 ... christ in a rolls royce psychobabe, you're the one who led blather red to hell. so kick yourself for all of us, won't ya? 021122 ... Fido Pshycobabe, o psychobabe Beholder of the light! bear you the torch of Procak, Keeping our hopes alight! 030709 ... Fido I love to run my fingers over them, To feel the tiny waves, And on very special days, Days that come once or never Um I skid into the frosted walks, Sliding over all the pocks In the asphalt Knowing this forward progress Is terribly horribly precious. 041221 ... meep i refuse to be medicated as if depression can be pathologized...chemical imbalance, suicide genes, social habits, as if it is not because the world is in fact a hyperbole and and very shitty place 060609 ... michele Why is is so hard to make my therapist understand that without depression my life may cease to exist. I may cease. The mere thought of "happiness" terrifies me. 061110 ... flux it's been crippling intense of late. it doesn't seemed to be caused by anything, but it generates its own fuel while it rages.. i feel fine right now, but i'm getting to the point of being wary of ten minutes away.. doubts magnify, and temporarily eclipse trust.. could it really just be a winter thing? it would be easy enough to trace the history of my thoughts through these blathes.. 061114 ... flux i can fight the depression by having something to fight for. something to do. same functionality as the "distraction from the inevitability of death". it doesn't do to fight for other people, either. have to do it for myself. the crux then becomes, i can see nothing i want to fight for that i can do on my own. hm. 061115 ... Fido depression aint nothin but a succession of too-long looks at Life looks of "I Have Less Than Thee" look how deep they cut into me! happiness maybe alchemy but those whose goals were carved from the mountain held wealth in their hands before Those Spaniards drew life from a fountain death is impassable mortal needs laughable yet our needs are children who unfed become irascible so we stuff what cannot be stuffed with iPods and wine and dildos until we're so stuffed with stuff we're dollar diabetics with fat collars and wrists exploding our clean white cuffs! Some slip into a depression maybe its a foxhole but we didn't start the war this fat rich fucking session. 061116 ... unhinged i'm beginning to forget what it feels like. i think i cleaned out the holes that it made in my brain and my heart. it really is a miracle i wouldn't have believed if someone would have told me about it. 061117 ... mcdougall so bad, a trip to the dentist cheered me up. 070815 ... . depression is just a reflection of the world and how you deal with it, sensitive people are more prone to it i think. 070815 ... leif It's an interesting entity. I call it an entity because I feel like it's an alternate part of my body--almost as though it's a creature that invades me. Maybe a parasite that lives off of me? It's always there...dormant, still, ever-present. It woke up. And my skin is crawling. And I'm scared. I will fight. 150430 ... flowerock Your resolve to fight is admirable, I'm glad for anyone who decided not to accept t he blanket of sad motivation suckling apathy that seems to come with depression. I have wondered a while now where the lines are between simple sadness, lack of energy, and de motiovation are. Am I ju st lazy and stuck in the mud or depressed? I feel that depression as I see it doesn't even have to feel sad, just empty, which I see and feel as chronic_apathy then... kind of just void of any passion in any direction, still, asleep and full of food and day dreams instead of action or joy. 150430 ... pree it's inspirational too leif. thank you feor helping me maintain the important notion that this is separate from who I am. 150502 ... leif She thought that I couldn't see our relationship with clarity because of the ever-present depressive fog. So interesting how with the relationship removed the fog itself has lifted. 160311 ... tender_square sadness pervades skin as i lie cradled in shavasana. my thoughts can't help but drift to the tenant. soon, my life will be restored to an equilibrium; the chaos of the tenancy has come to a close and i am mending. relief rises with every fall of my breath. however, the tenant will continue to live out hell wherever he goes. and this situation will not recover him; it only adds to his woes. 230902 what's it to you? who go blather from