dating
kyla loathing 011126
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only_tuesday something that i've almost been able to avoid entirely. 011126
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Average Penis Size Good discussion! [url=http://www.enlargepenisguide.com/]penis enlargement[/url], penis enlargement 060515
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eaten by a star oh, something i have avoided entirely.

unfortunately, i suppose.
060516
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unhinged = fucking


i'm not sure how or where this happened, but i have noticed this. with the last person i 'dated', everything went downhill rather quickly after our one botched attempt to do it. i never said anything about it because sex isn't very important to me in a relationship. i guess i should have massaged his ego somehow. i wasn't very comfortable talking to him anything but music and drugs.

i'm not looking for some casual relationship that revolves around sex. i want someone that will cuddle with me for a couple months before they even attempt to get in my pants. i want someone that i trust completely, enough to be vulernable the way i think a relationship should be. someone that i can cry in front of that won't run away. someone that can support my decision to be sober.

dating = fucking

i'm done with that bullshit
060516
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AfPRicochet MVP you said it 060516
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grendel i recently switched back to fucking without the pretense of dating.

the whole dating and continually getting torn in two by the whole love/lust dividing line thing got very very old

of course the whole thing of dating or otherwise pursuing relationships with people who (to varying degrees of secrecy) were fucking everyone else was the last reminder that there are some niches where i fit and some where i don't
060517
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unhinged ever since i moved to wisconsin, i've been doing the fucking with no pretense of dating thing


and it eventually pushes me off my rocker. the very last thing i need personally is physical fulfillment without emotional attachment. cause honestly, 99% of the time i can physically fulfill myself better which eliminates the bullshit factor. i even willingly entered into these fucking relationships telling myself that i could deal and that i just wanted to use someone the way that i had been used. but after six months of pretty regular fucking around without the movies and dinner dates, but the occasional alcoholic beverage, when his interest waned because i couldn't pretend in bed anymore, it cracked an equal if not bigger gorge in my heart than all the failed emotional relationships i'd had.

so human interaction of any kind is basically just filled with pain. i think it is just mostly luck when you run across someone that helps you more than they hurt you.

but i'm very sure that this kind of human interaction, the definition that most people put with it, is pretty useless for me. besides, i'm one of those head_over_heels love_at_first_sight more_loyal_than_a_dog kind of people so casually getting to know someone physically or emotionally is bullshit to me.

dating = bullshit
and i don't want to waste my time anymore
060517
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no reason i don't know if i'm dating people or not 130305
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raze i love how everyone just ignored the "average penis size" moment of spam like it never even happened.

i've been on exactly one date with someone i wasn't already in a romantic relationship with (figure that one out). we ate an insane amount of thai food and drank enough water to drown a small city. when we were leaving, a homeless man asked for money. my date offered him a styrofoam container filled with our leftovers. he looked insulted.

and they say beggars can't be choosers...
130306
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no reason it's all fun and games until you realize you like someone 130307
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unhinged .


i still don't get this really; it confuses the shit out of me still. i may not be as angry as i was over the whole thing, but i still haven't been able to train my heart to accept this sort of situation.


'i'm not gung ho about being in any relationship right now'

so i've backed off
things seem cool
as in cold, chilly
but now he takes the time
to communicate
places his lips
on my forehead
out of affection
rather than lust

and my overactive brain
buzzes

what does this even mean?
you like spending time with me
but you
'aren't gung ho about any relationship right now'
what?

*sigh*
130307
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no reason people are afraid of/intimidated by commitment 130307
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no reason dating = waiting 130307
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unhinged i am easily committed
maybe too easily
even with friends

i don't use the word 'friend'
unless i would go
to the ends of the earth


so truthfully
i really honestly don't get
commitmentphobes
130307
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nr always seems to come with so much bullshit.

on one side:
-"this feels like more than just dating"
-"i like you"
-"what are you doing [date far away from now]"?

on the other side:
-much less frequent contact
-in response to a message i sent re: hanging out (a week ago), "if not this week, maybe next week when you're back [from vacation]"


the back-and-forthness drives me crazy. at the very least, dealing with this over the years has made me be more direct with people. directness is key. i'd much rather know what's going on, even if it's something i may not like, than have to play guessing games for weeks on end.
130325
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unhinged blah. i hate this word. i hate the actions most people associate with it. games, rolling the dice, taking a chance.


can't people just sit with each other and get to know each other? their histories, their neuroses, their joy, their pain? not just their favorite movies and tv shows and books, some useless profile information that doesn't really MEAN anything.

human interaction in the age of facebook...gross
130326
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no reason when the conversations turn more intimate and things get closer, that's when people start with the bullshit, without warning or obvious reason. (in my experience, after experience, after experience.) 130326
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raze apparently some people will decide you're dating, when what you're doing isn't really dating and they've expressed zero obvious romantic interest in you. they won't tell you that's what they've decided, though. they'll tell someone else who doesn't know you, and if you get lucky you'll hear it from someone who knows them, several steps down on the "pass it on" chain. you may also find out that not talking for a little while, when the natural ebb and flow of your friendship has always involved periods of quiet on both sides, counts as you ignoring them, when you're the one waiting to hear back from them just as often as they're waiting on you. but they won't tell you that either.

i don't have the energy for this stuff. i'm not going to dance around trying to guess what another person is thinking or feeling, adjusting my footwork based on supposition. here's an idea: tell me what you want. if you're not going to do that, don't hold it against me when i can't read your mind.
140822
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flowerock I feelike I never really "dated" I still don't really understand it... I've just kind of ended up in relationships, none shorter than two years. I have never really been into "casual" sex or romance. the few times Engaged in such left me feeling sad and uncomfortable. two out of three of those times the casual encounter turned into an long term relationship, is like dating? hey you're nice, oh we had sex, now we're a couple!? Does it have to be official? agreed on? the act if dating? what IS a date? how many dates before it s eying dating? or is it dating until marriage? or is there something inbetween? not that marriage is the goal for everyone or every relationship, but when is it no longer dating? How confusing. I like just falling in love and following my heart, so far three out of four of these has been worthwhile and love filled and without regret. the other two less involved times were ok, learning grounds, teenage attempts at boyfriend_&_girlfriend that were xute but awkward. the one bad one was full of lessons too, don't go for the guy that all your friends hate and who has had brain damage to the point of sociopathic psyhopath issues... and you should probably leave him after the dirst hospital visit and if not then then after the first abortion because you relize you do not want to reproduce with him, infact almost anyone but him would be a better choice...

so has been my "dating" experience


dating dates is much tastier. the fruits. lay the dates along a time line in dated order while dating memorable events in your dating life?
140822
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flux i suppose i gave up on casual dating about the same time i realized i didn't actually enjoy casual sex. i suppose there was a bit more to it than that, but it all comes down to the same point. 140822
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unhinged i give up 140823
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nr i guess i'm lucky in a sense that it hasn't been a complete lack of intimacy or connection. and it's served as somewhat of a distraction, at least as much as is possible. but everything seems pretty temporary. maybe or maybe not because i want it to be. 140823
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jane when i was younger, i was all about hanging around and dating older people. up until curly, i hadn't ever dated anybody younger than me. i chalked it up to precociousness at the time, which ended up being a farce; her intelligence masked itself as maturity.

but when i was around older people, even by a couple years...maybe when you're a teenager it's a bigger deal. so much happens between 17 and 19, for example, than between 27 and 29.

i shudder to think of what monstrosities i put people through when i was younger. certain my own intelligence paraded itself as maturity, perhaps...which is a dangerous combination when mixed with alcohol, drugs, etc.

going out with alison two nights ago: she's six years my senior, but for whatever reason age just didn't come into play. it seems to only when encountering somebody younger. so much happens between even 25 and 27: the frontal lobe development, for example. but i wonder what it's like for HER; is she thinking the same about me? "so much happens between 33 and 35" for instance. i should probably ask her. she's quite interesting. i find her more attractive than her photos online, though i vainly had the internal monologue requesting she put on a belt. i love her hands. there's a spark behind her eyes, that beautiful aries/taurus cusp, the tattoos she hides, but i know are there. i wonder if i turned her off in any way. i wonder if i turned her on in any way. i want to explore the illustrated landscape of her body. see what else hides beneath winter layers. maybe she's what i've hoped for.
160310
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nr three years later and nothing's changed. sometimes it's hard to be patient and let things happen in their own time when 'their own time' is not time that makes sense. it's confusing when people are affectionate and say things like "i like this" and then you subsequently don't see them for three weeks and wonder if somehow in that time they lost interest, and if so, why, and what happened?

and then you're like, well, i'm going to go and do other things anyway and try to get them off my mind, and then they contact you again and fuck everything up all over again.
160406
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nr i read somewhere that often people mistake closeness in the moment for real intimacy.

i'm guilty of this. i guess people are good actors or just needing something at that point that they can easily discard or forget. i don't like thinking about this.
160406
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unhinged back in 2014 i said 'i give up' out of heartbreak but now in 2016 i really don't put much effort into this stupid process. i invest my energies in my career and come home to my life_partner . we are going to the symphony on saturday to hear the prokofieff violin concerto and symphony no by brahms. we will probably have dinner before the concert. we will come home, say good night, sleep in our separate beds, and wake up the next day and do it all again. with all the disgusting and stupid shit that has happened to me in 'dating' relationships, i am content to share my life with my very best friend of almost 20 years. sometimes i worry he will find someone to marry before i do, but for now, he is all_i_need . 160407
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