crushes bespeckled fucking suck. Make me want to vomit love and emotion and walk around hollow, empty, emotionless. Make me wish for a dreamless sleep. 020820 ... lotuseater i notice a pattern in mine... libblelibble 031103 ... n o m c from germany. and latley i've been thinking a lot about b. sometimes i think about s. 130409 ... oh well . 130409 ... unhinged always lead me astray 130409 ... n o m i keep thinking of b. 130508 ... unhinged she is so damn cute it's amazing what a smile or the lack thereof can do make me a cocktail ( gin, grapefruit/rosemary syrup, champagne) show me your sailor tattoos tell me how you feel about your ex fiances new girlfriend i want to cuddle on a couch with you all night long (oh the mexican girls in seattle i'm pulled towards them for some reason maybe it's paritally cause we are both strangers in a strange land) 130508 ... no reason they make me nervous, and when they happen, they're always on people who i wouldn't expect to have crushes on, and on people who i don't think would likely have crushes on me. so i guess they lead me astray too. 130508 ... n o m i don't know what to do. who to love. who to let love me. 130512 ... n o m s asked me to have beers, we hung out. f was upset, he asked me to move out. i slept with s twice, technically we had sex 3 times, and the third time didn't involve sleeping. now he doesn't want to hang out with me. i've got to stop liking depressed guys who don't really like me. still interested in b. 140203 ... no reason i tend to think i'm not an envious person in that i never resent someone else for having something good happen to them, if they deserve it, but i do resent the fact that i don't have these things happen to me, if i deserve it as much or more. so maybe that is envy. 140203 ... no reason i tend to think i'm not an envious person in that i never resent someone else for having something good happen to them, if they deserve it, but i do resent the fact that i don't have these things happen to me, if i deserve it as much or more. so maybe that is envy. 140203 ... no reason okay, so i meant to put this under "envy," but blather kept saying my post didn't post, so i accidentally posted it again on the wrong page, and now it's here twice. also, i hardly really remember what having a crush feels like. 140203 ... epitome of incomprehensibility Reviewing my list of crushes, I'm beginning to think I was serious when I said my orientation was orientalist. East is right, after all. But for me, is it? As for the one and only definite X, he was from Europe and living in Montreal's east end. And he went back to Europe in the spring, which is why that didn't work. But like any label, the boundaries are unclear under high magnification. Is the idea that Europeans are sexy really orientalist? Doesn't that refer to the whole Asians-are-sexy (to white people, for culturally suspect reasons) thing? And what about Africans being sexy? and if you're kind of all three at once, like poor dead Freddie Mercury, is that triple the allure? Do I just like Freddie for not being One Direction? See, all I really know is that if you go east far enough you come back where you started, and east and west are not places or political points but directions. "The Orient" could just as easily be west if you went at it through the Pacific. You can't swing both ways when there are no swings. You can like two types of people or a million. You can be as vague as you want or as specific as you want. What I mean is that Gwynhyr Pradesh is a girl's name, except it's a boy in the dream because it could just as easily be a boy. Also a ridiculous cultural mash-up: see blatherskite_dreams. 140205 ... n o m it all makes me sad 140211 ... n o m it was a month ago i had beers with s 140211 ... unhinged here i go again. he thinks my photos show my 'great eye for the inner urban beauty' *swoon* at least this one is sweet 140212 ... n o m i asked b out. he said he's always liked me and we made out under the moon. swoon. and again, yesterday, in the woods. ohhh i want to kiss him more. he's so interesting and cute. it feels really nice to be liked by him. i told him i've always liked him too. 140720 ... n o m i'm a little scared.. 140721 what's it to you? who go blather from