j_blue i drink and drink, until i'm not me anymore

and then someone else is there, and i am gone, and nothing that happens, happens to me

thats the way i like it

tomorrow, tonight will be gone, and only those around me have to remember
soia go away 010616
j_blue you decide:

'ewww?' or 'how?'
blue star tonight I drank... for no particular reason.... I just felt like it.... but I've been drinkign too much.....and there's a lot left for me to drink...... and I can't pour it back into the bottle... because I have to finish it all... I need somebody..... not just anybody (help) you know I need someone (HELP!).... god, I must be drunk if I'm singing a beatles song on a blathe..... I'm on crack. don't mind me...... oh wait, I'm not on crack, I'm on booze!
I'm kinda worried that I'll drink too much and pass out. in the middle of my living room... but you kknow... whateva..... I have to finish it... there are withdrawal-suffering alcoholic rich people in Beverly Hills!
namae Someone once told me (or a TV audience, or something, ye ken well what I mean) that the reason some people claim drinking makes them smarter is because the alcohol acts like a wolf in a pack of buffaloes, picking off the slowest, weakest brain cells first. So, in a way, you ARE smarter after one or two drinks. I can see that, at least. But drinking until you're stupid? I just don't get that at all. 010823
jim_starks i drink to make it all go away. the pain. the depression. the feelings of inadequacy. i drink for all the wrong reasons, but then, those are the only reasons i know. i drink alot, all the time in fact. i've become quite good at it. all i know is that it makes everything okay. and that's all that matters. 020130
misstree vodka, clear and sharp to dull the senses.

i drink because i don't like people, and when i'm drunk the games are a lot more fun.

"i hate people, but love gatherings. ironic, isn't it" -clerks (butchered, prolly)
silentbob how many times do i have to explain that i'm not drinking to remember?

no use for a name
j_blue salvation 020206
Heffable Horralump Helps me keep better company. 031215
from now on "alcohol intolerance" my doctor said last year when we were talking in his office

i haven't had a drink in over five years.

and i'm glad i don't drink now, because it only ever made me feel worse

when i would drink, i would get too drunk, & too easily. one or two drinks and i'd be as drunk as can be.

and i liked being drunk. but then i would just feel worse. it made me feel so sick...flushy face, intense nausea, headache, etc.

it made me feel sick, but still i could never stop at one or two drinks. i always had to have more.

part of me really liked drinking.
and that used to scare me, because i grew up listening to my mother talk about my grandparents' marriage and their subsequent divorce.

and my mom has always said that i don't need to become an alcoholic 'because grandma already took that route for me'.

so i'm glad i don't drink.

but sometimes, a lot of times, i just feel like getting right pissed.

everytime i go near the liquor store, i feel like going in.
but i never do.
whenever someone offers me a drink, i say "no, i can't drink, but thankyou."
from now on i wish i hadn't written most if not all of that.

i guess what i was trying to say is
it's probably a good thing that i haven't been able to drink,

but it'd be nice to be able to have a drink every once in a while (without getting sick)
. "...Alcohol Intolerance: Severe reaction of nausea and poisoning as a result of drinking alcohol..."


"...The wonders of alcohol.

The achilles heel for many people. The 'norm' for some others. And poison if you have CFS/PVFS/M.E..."


"...Zinc is a trace mineral that is very important in maintaining a healthy immune system. But as many as 85 percent of CFS patients may have a serious zinc deficiency, which is extremely common among AIDS patients as well...

Zinc deficiency may be responsible for another symptom of CFS -- alcohol intolerance. Many CFS patients are unable to tolerate alcohol. Zinc is responsible for helping to form the enzyme that breaks down alcohol, called alcohol dehydrogenase. Too little zinc may lead to insufficient production of alcohol dehydrogenase and, therefore, to alcohol intolerance..."


"... Alcohol intolerance: Alcohol intolerance, leading to an early
blackout or a next day severe hangover is common in CFS patients, many of whom are forced to abandon their social drinking. Although the mechanism of alcohol intolerance in
CFS patients has not been understood, serotonin supersensitivity may be a likely explanation since it has been proposed that alcoholic blackouts result from a disorder of central serotoninergic neurotransmission. Plasma levels of the serotonin precursor, tryptophan, are decreased in male alcoholics with history of blackouts due to ethanol intoxication (57) and a trial of serotonin reuptake
inhibitor zimelidine had shown improvement in memory function in moderately intoxicated subjects (58).

halloween 1995 i realized i had to stop drinking or i would die drinking.

i hadn't even been drinking that long really.
i used to drink with friends, on weekends, at parties (never daily, or for consecutive days).

i knew i had to stop hanging out with 'my drinking friends', and stop going to those parties if i was going to stop i did. and that is something i don't regret. (though i miss having those friends in my life)

i stopped going to parties and getting drunk. i stopped getting drunk.

but i tried drinking, a few times after coming to that decision,...
i wanted to see if i could drink without getting drunk...
but the last time i did, i had two beers over the course of a few hours, got sick, passed out, woke up the next day feeling extremely ill,...and felt ill for a week or so afterwards.

i haven't had a drink since.

but, as i blathed above, i'm always tempted when i pass by the liquor store because i'd like to know if my alcohol intolerance has 'improved' (gone away) or if i am 'stuck' with being unable to have even a little drink every now and again.

i know a glass of wine can have health benefits, and personally i wouldn't mind starting a little winery...
but,...i can't drink! so, oh well.

i don't think i would've stopped drinking when i did if it hadn't been for marihuana.
monee growing up mormon, there was never alcohol at home.

i first tried alcohol when i was twelve, at a friends house. out of curiosity, i had a few sips of something and got a little too tipsyish. i realized then that i didn't really like alcohol and was too young to be drinking anyway.

it wasn't until after feeling sick for months on end with cfs / m_e that i became really depressed and started wanting to drink myself into oblivion.

there was the after-drinking-sleep i liked,...
the thinking that i could end my life by drinking it away.
i was quite depressed then,,....

and i am still feeling depressed, but i know now that killing myself with drink is not a good solution to my problems.

i think it would be nice to be able to get drunk without wanting to kill myself.
or to have a drink every so often without getting drunk and sick.
monee but for now, i will continue to pass by the liquor store with these wonderings in my head.

i don't know if i'll ever have a drink again.
shulamith it's the way your vowels roll across your lazy tongue, their lilt and loll, that informs me of your vulnerable state. it's the sweet intoxication that damns me to forgetfulness. i am your blackout and you are nothing but the leftover ache that blinds my senses. 081014
birdmad was very very blurrry the other night one of my new friends was a steward in the RAF...knows how to mix a wicked stiff cocktail he spite of my usually high capacity for drink, Friday night i was utterly wrecked after my second drink and had to secretly make a much weaker cocktail out of the third...of course i blame this largely on the pizza i ordered not showing up until well after i had finished half of my second then i was irretrievable 081015
flux (poetry_on)
whisky_johnnie, amityville, repose, imbibe
flux (drinking_song_from_the_tomb) 140822
gja 16 weeks without any...not that I'm counting. 140822
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