played_a_part Dafremen What It's Like To Be The Bad Man (Played a Part) R. Dafremen When I hurt you Did you think I meant it? Somehow you make it feel that way And I can't bear the way that weighs Upon my heart, upon my mind Can't bear the thought that somehow In time, you might be lost to me Cuz I was playing foolishly The cost of delving into me and finding Ways of saying things that aren't there Looking upon the ones I care about With a derogatory sneer upon my words Who would have thought I had it in me? I never knew that I could kid me Into playing such a part I was the phantom of the opera Twisted disciple of that mantra Of a hateful way of living that's a lie But when I look into your eyes that melts away The actor in me stops his acting For a moment's empathy Touches on the real in me The me in me that cannot bear what I am doing Begs me "Stop!" I suppose I could have Guess that I should have left my curiosity at the door But the sleuth in me still had to know some more How would you react If I pushed you to the brink? What happens when my acting Is the way somebody thinks? Would you still find some compassion For their hardened heart? Would you look beyond the words To find the actor of the part they play? Would you still find your eyes all misted up With tears and filled with longing To ease some stranger's pain Though he lashed out at you? And though the hurting wasn't in me I still played the role Still watched the scene unfold Because I knew that in this testing lay the key The key to understanding why these Crude hypocrisies Can bring the kindest to his knees Can turn the sweetest of people Into the meanest of people Why the antagonist antagonizes And why the public so despises Something I feel only sadness for For a lonely figure beating at The lonely door that is his habitual reaction To a lifetime of pain. This wasn't me I hope you see that now I hope that you can brush aside all doubt And you'll believe me now For I played a part I've never felt Felt your cold rejection dealt to me As I never have before It's a pitiful thing to be the one Behind the lashing out It's as sad as I imagined to be hurting And to have the shouting Avalanche To have the ones you need Become your enemies Because they can't look beyond The cold hard words and try to see A harsh reaction often hides unhappiness Masks a tenderness That may have been there all along In that frozen heart may be a song Whose icy words bely its tender notes A melody awaiting sweet release To be brought on by patient caring From the world beyond I felt so blue to finally know From watching you yell as you spoke That a man whose snide derision Masks a lump within his throat And whose hardened heart Must someday turn to stone May walk without the tenderness he seeks But rather, walk alone in his calamity. 021126 ... . It WAS you because you chose to play the part. That makes you an asshole whether you acted like that to the outside world or not. 021126 ... Dafremen Glad the poem moved you to SOME sort of emotion. Sorry it wasn't a more positive one, but then again I suppose it wasn't a very positive poem, was it? For that matter it wasn't a very positive thing to do, but it needed to be done, at least for MY piece of mind and in my search for a solution to society's ills, I took a strange and beastly path. That DOESN'T make me a beastly person, whether you like it or not, it really doesn't. I did something shameful. As I said, that doesn't make me beastly, it makes me ashamed. The retaliation that you have done in anonymity makes me sad for you. I don't mean that in a condescending or a patronizing way either. I mean that it is just more of what I have seen again and again, more of what I MYSELF have done again and again. It is what is destroying society and creating cold blooded killers. It is a kneejerk reaction that we have to anything unsavory or disapproved of and I wish for it to stop. It is a disease...a Dafremen disease and we are both able to stop it with something as simple as empathy or the decision to turn it away. I feel your disgust, and it is about as valid as any feeling could be. I hope you will get over it, or walk away from the situation or person (me) that makes you feel it. You deserve better than to feel disgust. I'm terribly sorry for having had anything to do with you having those feelings. 021127 what's it to you? who go blather from