my_life_right_now ClairE AngryQuail (8:49:25 PM): hey dude! Ant: hey Ant: what up ClairE: Not much. Guess what I am doing. Ant: snood ClairE: nope Ant: hw ClairE: HA Ant: slambooks Ant: ok, well im out dude ClairE: nope Ant: ? ClairE: no to slambooks Ant: oh, ok well im out yo ClairE: you don't want to know? Ant: what are u doing? ClairE: Blather. duh. Ant: right ClairE: : ) ClairE: I *heart* Annie. So much. ClairE: Oh, you'd better go chase after Caroline. ClairE: I love you too. ClairE: bye Ant: what?! ClairE: haha she just left. Ant: ha, ok peace out yo Auto response from AngryQuail (8:57:51 PM): I know Annie won't be surprised, but I'm peeing...be right back, Anthony. Ant: bye Anthony signed off at 9:02:49 PM. 011127 ... ClairE Ha, I went through all of that and the annoying time_stamp is on the first line! Although I heart the time_stamp in IM, it's a real pain when you copy and paste. Yeah. 011127 ... ClairE Why is it that I finished my blathe about Elijah, but don't feel satisfied? I'm not in love with him, but at this hour of the night I go back to his hair and the way it feels under my palms and what he would do to me and how well we worked together, sometimes. Surprisingly. 011128 ... ice i have a stomachache. there is a gravity bong in my kitchen. i should be asleep. 011129 ... Dis You said it seemed a little uninspired. I can't deny it, but is it enough to make me change? It's what has happened over the years: Every unfulfilling job or transient relationship has chipped away at a little bit of my sparkle, and I can see in the distance the person I'm meant to become, but can't quite figure out how to get there. And then came you. You with the reality distortion field, you who have never abandoned the frame of mind I once embraced. I thought at last I had found someone who could show me the way back to my heart, who could follow the tangled trail of string I left winding through the thickets of jaded experience. I don't think I am wrong about that, either. I think you could be the one. And yet, I fight you sometimes. It frustrates me to hear the fear in my heart, the disassociation I practice. What would be the worst thing that could happen, I ask myself. If all good things must end, is it not better to enjoy them while they last? Better to live than to half-live? This is what I am working towards. One foot in reality, the other in a dream. One hand over my heart, the other pressed to yours. I know you can't promise forever, but lord knows I wish you could. I would tell you the same, you know, just to make my intentions clear. I love you, love you, love you. A hundred times I've said it into the air, but never to your face, never to your ears. It started as a whisper in the dark before sleep, a week or two before your own heart changed. I laugh about it when I am alone; the idea that you think you might frighten me with your affections, when mine predate them, in secret. You make me want to be rash. You make me want to prove the world wrong. You fill me with hope and a giddy, borrowed youth. You make me want to be married, and it's a silly, wonderful thing. 011129 ... ClairE Wonderful. 020103 ... kerry **sigh** that IS wonderful... my life right now is kind of weird/ kind of happy/ kind of boring/ i take it back... EXTREMELY boring 020103 ... flowerock could use a little more stability, security, consistancy, down time, and time im general... and less STUFF, I need mire space to move, breathe, and live in. organization. my life right now is also pretty good despite the stress and timing and commuting... our own bed, parked in a beautiful town full of fruit and flowers, super cute doggie, my heartmate squirrelmate lover, enough good food to eat... thanks_universe. I'll figure out the rest : ) 140816 ... Minnesota_chris Eating burgers with Jane, yay! 140816 what's it to you? who go blather from