my_happy_place where was it again? i always seem to forget, among the sad things that happen, uneasiness with people, all of the other 'bad' events swirling about me - like the monsters at night, waiting and lurking for the opporutne moment to snatch me away... oh, i've lost it for good this time maybe. i can't find it anywhere, but i'm not even sure where to start looking. what happened to carefree moments of wonderment at a new life? or a child's delighted smile? learning something new and interesting? watching a beautiful black horse running in the sun? take me back to those to escape the torture of my present! or push me forward, that i may know i live beyond this... oh, where did my_happy_place go? i yearn to find it again, for i knew it once 040430 ... thieums Somewhere in the south-west of Scotland, there is a beach where an old rock stands still, like a huge cube placed there by some forgotten gods. When I was a kid, I used to climb on that rock, sit cross-legged, and daydream about a sword that I thought was hidden inside... On that rock, the wind was an ancient whisper to my young ears ; the clouds were signs written in a language I could understand ; and the Ocean reflected the chaos of my future. Oh, my happy place, place where the first flame was litin my heart... Will I ever come back ? 040430 ... Kristopher "I'm in my happy place, Double D!!" -- Ed, 'Ed, Edd and Eddy' 040430 ... stork daddy what if my happy place was your happy place too? wouldn't that be beautiful? 040430 ... kookaburra i dont think so. my happy place is a place where i am all alone, and there is nobody to laugh at me. and an infinite field where i can run and run and never get tired, and sing all the way. o wait, were we talking of a happy place here on earth? well, my happy place would be alone in my room (with nobody else in the house) blasting music and singing and dancing. hmmm...so both of my happy places by defintion dont include you...maybe the personality_disorder_test was right... 040430 ... stork daddy perhaps you weren't talking to me, but you can be certain i wasn't talking to you. 040501 ... kookaburra i wasnt talking to you... :P 040501 ... shivers if only i knew where it was, i dont think it exists in this world close my eyes and fly 040501 ... love & hate is in your arms, alone, just the two of us, for eternity... 040627 ... i asked you to push me, but i realised i was the one who needed to start myself. back to getting things right in my life, back to finding out what is really important... but wait, not really back at all, but forward! look forward to not only physically relocating me, but thinking differently too. getting myself in the right place for me, and don't worry what they all think. only some of them understand and have my best interests at heart. and truly at heart - smile just thinking of them, nearly poignant to think what they've already done to help. o, i can almost see it, just around the bend and over the rise, and it will be there, as it's always been. just had to search for it again, remembering the way... my_happy_place 040826 ... . in Trent Reznor and his new music or anti-music 040826 ... o, a date of near freedom!! but are we there yet? almost, just not quite. but nearly there. just a few more things to relocate, just a few more items to toss, just an entire new self image to embrace and uphold - one that is whole and sound and faithful. almost there, and almost scared of the changes it will bring, and sometimes force, about. (change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.) so close it can nearly be tasted, but what would it taste like anyway? cool, clear water with a touch of fresh flowers and lemon. (maybe some cucumber, that was good.) almost there. now taking long and happy strides, halfway between walking and running, a sort of half-jog... nearly there - i can begin to see it, and it's beautiful. 040901 ... Doar was carpet bombed. 050726 ... misstree s_____'s massive cleavage, deep enough to drown in, soft enough to sleep in, was commonly titled "the happy place," and many were granted invitations. 050726 ... yes, it would be beautiful 050820 ... *Amy* I`ve never found it and I can`t imagine it 050821 what's it to you? who go blather from